Our ability to have satisfying and functioning personal relationships seems to be a huge factor in our pursuing of happiness and fulfillment in life. Our societies function on the same principles: can we be in good relationship? Or do we fight for power and supremacy and, doing so, create war? I, Heidi, am personally convinced that our couple relationships are the training field for a thriving world community. At the moment we are living in times of separation and fight, among people of our own countries and among the countries of the world.
At the moment we are living in times of separation and fight, among people of our own countries and among the countries of the world. In order to be able to create good global relationships we, first of all, need to work on our personal relationships. The life in a couple is very challenging, we all have had some experience with it. We need to learn to up-level these relationships. Integral theory could give us some guidelines to how to do that.
Martin Ucik has been a regular guest in The Wisdom Factory. (watch past episodes Here and Here).
After meeting Tom Habib at the European Integral Conference 2016 in Hungary we had invited him, too, to talk about his couple’s work (watch Here)
In the present episode, we want to create the space for Martin and Tom to exchange their ideas and concepts in a public conversation.
Here is what Tom writes about our topic:
Couples rarely select each other on the basis of their highest developmental potential but rather for the most stable shared stage. This Maslownian need for safety and security along with the tendency to privilege what Ucik has called the biological imperative over the transcendental potential can result in an asymmetrical relationship unable to fulfill the 2nd tier needs of one of the partners. We suspect this discrepancy in developmental level happens quite often in the relationships of members within the integral community. Ucik is skeptical whether or not these stage differences are resolvable. Habib will argue that all members of an intimate dyad share a need for deeper connection and that unresolved issues by both members in each quadrant result in arrested development. Please join Habib & Ucik at the Wisdom Factory where they will explore intimate couple dynamics including LL ideals and primary fantasies. They will also discuss LR processes that manage regression and balancing the basic need for connection with the need for autonomy, how attempts at communion can result in merger anxiety, the value of shifting from curiosity to compassion and maintaining the polarity between the feminine and the masculine, and more.