Embracing the Ageing process

We have the chance to change perspective on Ageing. It is widely a taboo and everyone tries to stay as young as possible. But what if we embraced the gifts which come with ageing? Yes, there are gifts, and embracing them allows us to lose the constant fear which is so pervasive in our society.


In former times, ageing and death were considered normal parts of life. Nobody questioned them. You just got old and had to die. In the Christian belief you would be resurrected one day. People were able to find consolation in this idea, as well as in the certainty of the love of God.

With the renaissance, this certainty started to wither. Even more people no longer believed in a God in the sky somewhere. They became atheists, and with that lost the spiritual way of dealing with death. Our Western societies are still caught in this denial of a higher power – and in the fear of death. They believe in a “Human Almighty”, and the outburst of incredible technology seems to confirm this assumption.

Believing in God, or in any form of higher power, became considered primitive or old fashioned. Nevertheless, when approaching death, many hard core atheists are reported to have converted their ideas, they have become religious. Why?

We humans are wired to ask these questions: “why am I here, where do I come from, where will I be after death?” When we go deeper and deeper with these questions which, traditionally, the church was expected to give the right answers to, we are finding meaning in our lives. Today, we have to find the “right” answers ourselves. There are many, many spiritual teachers and communities where we can flock to, hoping to find what we are looking for.

This happens sometimes in younger years, but older people are coming inevitably in direct touch with death, their own or that of their loved ones, and so they are pushed into these questions naturally. From there the next questions arise: “How shall I now lead the rest of my life? What is really important to me and how can I cope with the many obvious changes which ageing is bringing along?”

These, ultimately, are spiritual questions. Spirituality becomes a real concern. We might find these answers, but this is not the point. What we really do is integrating a part of ourselves which we seemed to have lost. We have the chance to loosen the fear and to lead a life of joy and fulfilment, where death is the ultimate amazing experience for our existence on this planet. But how can we do that?

Our guest today, Toni LaMotta, has written many books on conscious ageing and is offering courses for the difficult time of transition into elderhood. Officially there is little support in our societies. Ageing is a taboo, don’t talk about it, don’t ask questions and try to appear externally as young as possible in order to mask the fact that the years are passing.

So what to do and where to go when we are interested in knowing ourselves better and mastering the unavoidable challenges? Thank God, we have those pioneers who have dedicated their lives to help with the ageing process, as well as with the dying process. They certainly don’t get rich by what they are doing. People seem to be ashamed to ask for help in their situation, they think to have to go through these life challenges with closed eyes and some magical beliefs that they can somehow get out of it by “hiding before God and the death angel”.

How sad is that!

Living in constant fear of the future and engaging with all sorts of things which can occupy their heads in order to not ask the important questions, is cutting down the quality of our lives. We could learn to live in love and confidence, if we wanted to. Yes, some inner work is needed. But isn’t that the real task and meaning of our lives: to get to know ourselves in a deep way and live our purpose – instead of passing our time with trifles and external glory ?

Published for November 20th, 2019

0:00 Heidi short Intro
0:40 The Background of Toni. From Catholic nun to “New thought Minister” and a passion for speaking. Coaching people in spiritual development. Doctorate, studies in adult development leads to Ken Wilber, Terry O’Fallon.
4:45 “The Midlife Mentor”, What does the adult development mean for Ageing? How to embrace the ageing process? A book and a course.
7:50 4 aspects. First: Looking at the fear and learning “Treatment” to work through fears.
8:40 Paul Smith (Integral Christianity)? 3-faces of God was enlightening for her and taught the idea of a personal God. Involved in the we-Space groups. Coming back to her personal roots. “Religious Science” doesn’t always call itself Christian, Learning now to integrate Christian roots.
11:00 Heidi: we threw out the baby with the bathwater when abandoning the traditional church. Coming back by Jordan Peterson’s “Biblical Lectures”.
12:39 Toni: She teaches Pauls work to Ministerial students- several of whom are former Baptists. Transcend and include
13:40 Ageing process: We come to know who we really are. Less eyesight = more insight. Opportunity to look at the gift!
15:45 Ageing consciously = growing spiritually. Letting go and learning to be, stop all the doing.
16:30 Heidi: the gift:questions of who we really are. Calming the fear, impacting our present life. Becoming “being”
18:30 Toni: Illness experience, the challenges leading to “nowhere to go, nothing to do” became her mantra. Prioritizes what is important in life.
19:44 Heidi: Keeping oneself busy. Going inside, developing spiritually, we can also contribute
21: Just being, the presence, means a lot.
Second aspect: doing a life review Ira Progoff. “The intensive journal”. What does my life wish to become? Has previous life still potential? Going back to the roots, also Jane Fonda recommends life review
23:30 Often we see only the negative things in the past. Here: “Failing means the first attempt in learning”. Look for the same experience
26:30 Whatever you wanted to do, still do it at any age. Heidi going back to singing? Toni can listen instead of singing herself to enjoy the same passion: same experience, different way.
Fourth aspect: preparing for death: what do I really want to become? Write your own obituary: what do you want others to say about you?
31:10 Typology: Celebrating differences; Recognizing oneness.
32:50 Let life happen.
34:30 Techniques of the journaling. Stepping stones which change in time. In dialogue. Etc. dreams.
38:99 An example
40:15 Life review is self therapy with the right tools. Can you do it online? Example. The more time you work, the deeper you go.
44:05 Twilight imaging. Dealing with concrete things which are happening, and look at the spiritual realm, the meaning dimension, what’s the gift.
46:00 Making peace with one’s life before dying. Forgiveness, no judgement
47 Several versions of oneself, need of new things in life.
49:45 Similarities between Heidi and Toni.
50:30 Heidi about how Conscious Ageing in the Wisdom Factory developed.
52:00 Need of changing how people see ageing.
53:30 starting to wrap up: final question: what can you recommend?
54:25 Instead of looking for what’s wrong, look for the gift in what is happening.
56:20 Heidi: surround us with people who are positive”
57:20 Info about Toni: tonilamotta.com, several Books on Amazon (see below)
58:55 Call to action: Express your interest in a life review course, so we will create it more easily.

Books on Ageing – https://tonilamotta.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=1661&action=edit

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=toni+lamotta&ref=nb_sb_noss Books by Dr. Toni 

About Dr. Toni LaMotta

Toni is a provocative, inspiring speaker, best-selling author & life coach. Her vision is to change the way the world views midlife & ageing. She inspires people to explore what they can be when they operate authentically and consciously at every age.

She is the author of RECOGNITION: The Quality Way, the #1 best-selling book: What You REALLY Want, Wants You and several works on Conscious Ageing.

Toni holds a Doctorate in Religious Studies, a Doctor of Divinity degree; three Masters Degrees – in Pastoral Ministry, Adult Education, and Mathematics. (a truly whole-brain individual.) Her wit and wisdom speak to both the head and the heart.

Toni’s website https://tonilamotta.com/


Paul Smith, author of “Integral Christianity”

Luke Haley explaines the we-space groups