2019, April 17th at 10 AM PT/ 7 PM CET

Authentic Dating with Marco Beneteau and Martin Ucik


We discuss the topic of “Authentic dating”, which is an application of the rapidly-growing movement of Authentic Relating, into the field of sexuality, dating, and romance.  Authentic Relating involves being emotionally aware and fully present to every situation that life presents. Authentic Relating skills are used for deep listening, clearing misunderstandings, and resolving conflict in elegant and unexpected ways.

Authentic Relating forms the foundation for the practice of Circling. Circling is a mindfulness and communication practice. Essentially, it is listening and speaking from the heart, using “I” language to describe truthfully what we experience in each moment. It clears past baggage and improves the quality of connection with others, while opening us up to deep listening of another’s experience. Circling has the capacity to get us into spaces of deep-connection quickly, delivering rapid transformation and the sense of being heard and understood.



Marco Beneteau + Martin Ucik

1 Marco introduces himself shortly

2 Heidi introduces the topic and Marco talks about his books (see in the page below)

3 Marco’s obsession with women. Authentic relating movement after many movements before. Authentic relating: we-space.

5 About sexuality.

6 We don#t have the time to waste anymore.

7 What does authentic relating mean? Integral Philosophy > developmental levels> how people communicate. Authentic relating: skill to surface what i in the relational space – as opposed to “normal” relating where we don’t speak about the relational space. This is done in “Circling”

10 examples of what we normally do not do.

11 on online dating. Pick up artists  Neil Strauss “The Game” = opposite of authentic relating = vulnerability. + you cannot persuade anybody to have sex with them.

14 Martin: what exactly do we talk here? Love languages. There might be people who have a non-sensual love language. Different experience of the need for men and women. “A manual for men” Title of both books, by Marco and Martin.

16 Pick up artist way works only for non-experienced women. Heidi protests against this way of relating as betrayal.

18 Martin: Pickup artists techniques are helpful for shy men to approach a woman, every tool can be used in different ways.

21 Martin has a tech challenge – His book “Integral relationships”: he suggests the techniques to shy men.

23 Heidi: How do you choose people for a date?

24 Marco: figure out who could be a match for you. That needs time. Also how much vulnerability you want to express in your profile? David Deida: good iformation how to connect with the opposite sex.

25 Marco offers courses in online dating. Steps to follow. Video chat before going out in person. Beware the burn out by online dating.

28 Heidi shares her experience with meeting people on video.  She met her late husband first on video. You can create we-spaces online!

29 More information about the other when meeting on video. Why don’t many women not want to be on video? Is it a dealbreaker.

30 Marco: because of tech ignorance?  Women fear of being judged, feel safer on the telephone?

32 Martin: In California people do not look for long term relationships! Just look for company and find people to tell your story. “A free meal”, women expect that the man pays for dinner. Play the quantity game.

34 Women look for good friendships, maybe with sex.

37 Marco: Minority is interested in depth relationships. Maybe 20%. So you have to really find out. Marco is looking for someone who is standing beside him and co-create. His model: “Men in support and service to women”

39 Martin’s love story. 2 wifes. > curiosity how it works to come into contact. Breaking hearts. > How do we find a compatible partner > Leads to his book Integral Relationships. > second book “Sex, Purpose, Love”: what is my authentic transcendental life purpose? – easier to decide that a person is not the right one. Not look for aa partner but express your purpose which becomes an attractor.

44 3 levels of sexual selection

47 The three questions for people met online

47 Heidi: Men still look more for young women.  Also Ken Wilber has much younger women. Is there peer to peer relationship possible? Martin: this is stage one relationships.

Stage three of shared purpose: beauty and age gets overridden after having done the biological purpose. Second level: heal and grow in relationships. In third level we do not care on the primary clues.

52: Heidi: Transcendental purpose in life: helping to become more aware, truthful, authentic, fashion. What is your conditioning?

54 Marc: sexuality as a driver. Patriarchy, power structure active in sexuality.  Both sexes have to do the work!

57 This topic is painful for many people and talking about that is good! Marc’s life purpose: relational leader interested in sexuality and a writer. Coming from a position of power and strength, not of need. Don’t be afraid of rejection!

59 Martin: purpose: support singles and couples to create relationships for co-creating a better world. His past as a musician in co-creation.  He is living his purpose without actively looking for a partner. Women often want to support a man in his purpose.

1:02 Still today husbands hardly support their wives, but women do. Looking for SHARED purpose. From Patirachy to equality which is not sameness. Beyond “authentic relating” which focuses on left hand quadrants.

5 Marco feedback to Martin. Explains again authentic relating. Circling groups in Amsterdam “Circling Europe”- Also in Switzerland” Martin’s dating websites

7 Marc talks about his courses

8 Final words by Heidi.

10 Dieter Duhm, Tamera in Portugal

During the conversation, Martin talked about similar approaches to couple relationships with a shared purpose. Here is where you can find them:

In English: Antia and Broderick Boyd:

In German: Tamer and Teresa Karayel


The deepest yearning in humans is to be connected to others. We desire to have good friends and an intimate partner to spend our days with. Many of us find themselves alone and with the question: How can I find the right partner for me?

In previous episodes we have talked with Martin Ucik and his book “Integral Relationships”, where he gives guidelines for understanding the levels of development of a possible future partner – and naturally of yourself – so that you can find a match in terms of worldview.

But what if we are fearful or have no confidence in our ability of relating to others in a good and healthy way? Circling is a way of learning to relate to others authentically. Marco Beneteau is talking about that practice. Both approaches teach us  how we can avoid losing time when dating, to find out right away if the other could be a match or surely not.

An interesting conversation about men and women, love and sexuality, relating and dating.


Marc is an author, sexual educator and dating coach.  He published his first book, As Lovers Do: Sexual and Romantic Partnership as a Path of Transformation , which is a love manual for men, in 2015.  Shortly afterwards he discovered the rapidly-growing world-wide movement of Authentic Relating, along with the practice of Circling, and wrote his second book, the Circling and Authentic Relating Practice Guide  (also available for a small donation at

Authentic Relating and Circling skills are extremely effective in all human relations, but are particularly important in the area of dating and sexuality.  In this interview with Heidi Hornlein and Martin Ucik, we explore the reasons why, offering practical tools and advice to anyone looking for more love, connection and sensuality in their lives.

Marc offers online courses and workshops on this topic.  Find more info HERE


Martin Ucik has appeared many times as a guest in The Wisdom Factory. Since December 2018 he has co-hosted several shows with Heidi. You find more about him HERE