October 22nd at 6 PM CEST/ 9 AM PT

Sexuality and Abuse


In this episode the women of Women Matters follow up with the topic of the last two meetings about women and sexuality. and women, sexuality and society

The USA controversy about the nomination of a judge to the Supreme Court who has been accused by several women of sexual abuse, the topic came out of the closet and many women shared their experience of sexual abuse in their lives. It seems to ba almost an “universal” experience for women to have been pressed into sexual activity against their will, although it is also the case for some men.

We want to explore the ways in which abuse via sexuality can happen. Sometimes it might be expressed more in psychologically than physically, and also women abuse other women or men. We need to define “abuse” and the connection with sexuality of both genders.


 LIVE BROADCAST HERE on October 22nd 2018


Sexuality and Abuse

0:00 Introductions

1:12 Tammy from Vancouver: speaking the truth as publicly as possible

1:45 Monia from Vienna. Integral

3:10 Luna from Canada. Sexuality exploring in her work

2:35 Anna from UK

4:15 Elisabeth Debold, from Pittsburg, New York, germany. Developmental Psychologist.

5:10 Heidi: short explanation why this topic : who has been abused? All except 2

6:50 Heidi shares her abuse story

8:10 Tammy: first abuse with only 4 years old. People tend to forget about these memories, psychological segmentation.

10:30 Elisabeth: so many experiences. Bret Kavenaugh triggered the show topic and brought to her mind one incident in New York among many. Being watched with negative intent. People can violate you in public places and you cannot do anything. Experience in 5th grade.

14:08 Luna feels in her body where the drama is locked in. Many incidents, being watched connected with her. She felt conditioned of being an object. Being woman is for others, as well as her sexuality. Dissociation. When she was 17 and abused by a massage therapist who should have helped her with overcoming a recent abuse experience. Freezing. She felt to have betrayed herself with not responding. Anger which has been pushed down.

19:45 Silence – why are we frozen?

20:40 Monia is moved, feels blessed to have had a sheltered life. She was an obedient child. The anger is in the whole generation, abuse in war situation. Women are used as objects.

Her protest participation against the war in Serbia.

24:40 Anna: similar experiences like hand under the skirt, but not penetration. Feeling that your sexuality is not for yourself, but we are an attribute for men. She felt like empty inside. Like her sexuality like being distorted, warmth was completely absent in sexual encounters, only physical, no humanity about it.

28:15 Heidi: Why don’t we speak up?

28:45 Elisabeth: public shaming of women being sexual. Honor killings etc. Social sanctions against women acknowledging their sexuality, even talking about her being raped. Collective psyche, visceral violation, we know that something really wrong has happened and you don#t know why and if we did it: risky thing to bring it up. Freezing for fear, afterwards comes the shame. A seismic shift that we now talk about that in our culture

32:38 Tammy: feeling of rage because of the non-respect for women. We need to unpack this rage. Fundamental level of imbalance. HArd to know how to even talk abou it

34:35 Heidi: Maybe abuse it not really a gender question, but power question? Also mothers teach boys to behave in certain ways?

37:00 Luna: collective drama, shame on both sides. Her constellation work shows the truth and what people are carrying, abuse of power gets passed on generationally.  She is recording all her experiences of sexual encounters and getting her power back.Vigilance of protecting her personal power in relating to a man. She realises that she didn’t know about having boundaries and asking. The story of her father and the effect on her. How do we come to a place together as men and women? MAtriarchy was unbalanced, too. We are looking for places of healing together.

43:40 Monia: Enjoys her sexuality, she was lucky. Tantric sexuality, spiritual energy. Let’s laugh, it is too sad! She knew what she wanted and needed. We have not been trained to speak up. The first big NO was an exciting experience of finally setting boundaries. Monia talks about the regulations in her bath-club: the women need to say NO when it is no.

47:25 Heidi: training to be silent for fear that the guilt will be reversed to yourself.

48:35  Elisabeth: Conversations between the generations need to happen. Woman to woman relationship. Sense of betrayal by the mother throughs the girls into the arms of suspects.  Intergenerational repetition. “That happened to me”. Holding it was the choic of her mother, but she allowed her to do a different choice. We have to have the courage to break the mother line.  Talking about sexuality somehow feels too limiting, E. prefers to speak about eros. The creative impuls. Inspiration of spirit wants to find new ways of being. We fall in the trap set for us and missing the bigger picture. Reframe in reclaiming our power.

53:49 Monia talks about a song (audio disturbed), Woman am I, spirit am I,….

55:25 Tammy: the power of feeling lighter about that topic through what E. and M. shared. How to get into that empowerment. Embodied beingness. Transformation of who she is in regard of her sexuality. Re-awakening of her sexuality. Open for what it will be in a completely new way.

58:30 Heidi shares her experience about entering into a different kind of relationship as a result of a long journey of growth.

1:00:10 Luna, joy and gift the journey of making friends with my pleasure, The NO creates freedom for all of us and safety.

1:01:20 Elisabeth

1:01:35 Monia



Gertraud Wegst. Portrait.

Gertraud Wegst

Tammy Lea Meyer

Tammy Lea Meyer

Luna Ceovelli

Luna Ceovell

Portrait of Monika Frühwirth

Monia Fruehwirth

Anna Harris

Heidi Hornlein

Heidi Hornlein

Lucy Rist

Elizabeth Debold

Elizabeth Debold