December 7th, 2017, at 10 AM PT/ 7 PM CET

Couples in integral relationships  with Martin Ucik


How can we live together as a couple and instead of going down the usual rabbit hole of conflict, fight and separation create a better world by evolving together in our intimate relationships?

Martin Ucik has studied the phenomena in scientific research and personal experience and distilled what he learned in his books “Integral Relationships” and “Sex Purpose Love: Couples in Integral Relationships Creating a Better World”

Martin Ucik has been a regular guest in The Wisdom Factory. (watch past episodes Here and Here and also HERE with Dr. Tom Habib).

We talked at length about his revolutionary book “Integral Relationships”

This time we will present his new book

portrait of Martin Ucik

STREAMED LIVE  HERE on March 29th, 2017

Sex Purpose Love: Couples Creating a Better World

00:00 Intro and mechanics

01:20 Introducing Martin Ucik

02:30 How Martin came to write his new book “Sex Purpose Love: Couples in Integral Relationships Creating a Better World”  He says his original book was incomplete and the “purpose” part was lacking.

04:45 Unconditional love and the “Myth of the Given”.  So many conditions, including peoples’ capacities, at each chakra, in four quadrants,and also feminine/masculine polarity: thus 7x4x4 perspectives of that experience of love!

08:28 Overlooked in first book: pathologies! And people who are attracted to some personality disorders: relationship junkies!

10:45 Also added enneagram instincts and inter-becoming. 800 pages!  More a reference book than a just a long read.

12:55 No wonder so many of us no longer know how to be in an intimate relationship with another, especially since so many old rules have fallen away. Heidi asks if we EVER knew how to be “you” together.  Martin suggests we (especially women) may have to become independent first and then learn a kind of healthy interdependency.  So is there a “final” stage? Probably not!

17:35 Heidi recounts her thoughts on patriarchy being accused of so many sins.  Then back to the book…and trascendental purpose (so many adjectives before “purpose”!) which Martin uses.

20:51 Martin reports on 4 separate genes for dispositions for “talent”:

cognitive, empathic, creative, or kinesthetic intelligences which all map onto the 4 quadrants of the good, the true, the beautiful, and the functional!  

21:33 All four get encoded by the  sexual selection process! And women look for men who are intelligent, kind (empathetic), creative, and can fix stuff (functional)! The force of evolution!

23:45 These talents are either encouraged or repressed, and they’re not metaphysical but genetic!  Consequences!

23:00 Mark ask how these 4 qualities (talents) get expressed in women?  What do men want in women?  Many mutual ways possible today.  Barbara Marx-Hubbard’s “Supra-Sexuality”.  

32:57 The transcendental purpose has to have already emerged in a person before they meet another possible mate. No latching on! So no competition, no patriarchy!

35:00 The Blue and Orange problems are being addressed and getting better but the problems they create are not – because there are so few at Green or above – and they procreate less!

37:08 Heidi has some challenges for Martin, who responds.

41:00 Huge difference the pill has made so that sexual selection does not necessarily change our genes!  And will we go extinct thereby?  Will there be a downshift in our COG?  Martin is worried about being outvoted!  How do we counter the negativity of child raising in postmodern or Green couples? Martin notes a new trend among the most educated to have more children than the moderately educated!

47:20 Martins notes differences in biological purpose and the transcendental purpose which must support the bio purpose.

50:08 Martin explains men’s bio purpose is to protect and provide, which supports monogamy. Martin hopes to show the next emergent structures, and make that new structure more attractive that the current ones.
54:40 What about those already in relationships and are discovering they don’t share a common transcendental purpose.  Ouch!

56:50 Mark and Heidi both illustrate how a common purpose can evolve and the couple (themselves!) can remain inside a greater common purpose as time passes and new interests develop. Martin notes some complications he has witnessed.

1:00:00 Going into final words, how to find more about the books, newsletters, workshops, presentations by Martin.  His website:


Sex Purpose Love addresses the complexity of love relationships in the 21st century and the global challenges that humanity is facing. It applies Ken Wilber s Integral theory of human growth and potentials to the areas of sex, purpose, love, and couples creating a better world.
Part 1 about Sex outlines how couples can co-create a healthy Integral relationship by meeting each other at their level of consciousness, spiritual, sexual and anima/animus development, and then learn, heal, grow, and awaken together.
Part 2 about Purpose shows how individuals can identify and share their life s purpose with an equal and opposite partner to co-create a healthy lifelong Integral relationship that serves the greatest good for the largest number of people.
Part 3 about Love describes how couples can not only love by meeting each other s ever-changing needs and desires, but create lasting love by loving what is uniquely co-created between them.
Part 4 about Creating a Better World provides data and good reasons why couples with children in healthy lifelong Integral love relationships are better off than singles, and fundamental for creating a world in which everyone can flourish.

Click on the links below to find links to Martin’s books


Martin Ucik was born in West-Germany in 1957, grew up in a happy family, studied Electrical Engineering, and founded a successful international music-soft and hardware publishing company in 1982. He came to the US in 1995 with his wife and children to serve as President of HOHNER MIDIA. Eckhart Tolle trained him as a spiritual group facilitator in 2003. Heartfelt conversations in his Power of Now group and the end of his 14 year marriage led him to a deeper interest in male-female relationship dynamics.  He founded, an Association for Healthy Relationships.

In 2006 he became an avid student of Ken Wilber’s Integral philosophy.

Not finding any books that took an integral approach to dating and the co-creation of healthy love relationships, he began to write the widely acclaimed “Integral Relationships: A Manual for Men“, which was published in July 2010.

He lives in Sherman Oaks, and Santa Rosa, California, as well as in Germany, and works as President and CEO for Sommer cable America and as strategic business consultant  for the Hollywood, CA based Pro Audio distribution firm

“Hopefully people will get a sense of just how complete this book is. Honestly, I haven’t seen anything quite like it—it’s very impressive.” Ken Wilber