My partner died and now?

0:00 Heidi’s intro and overview of the series of broadcasts and recordings

2:40 Jane Duncan Rogers from Scotland presents herself

4:00 Henrik Wredmark from Sweden

6:03 Kristin van Tilburg from USA

6:54 Lynne Feldman  from USA she tells her story, of her own illness and the death of her husband in her absence. In shock for 6 months.

10:58 Jane shares the story of her losing her husband. Passing through cancer, death was coming near, they talked about death and this brought them close together. She was at his bedside when he died. She shares the experience, what happened when he died. She could not look at his body, she felt the body was not HIM. She talked to the body up to the ceiling. The experience brought her to write, feeling the gratitude and gift after some time.

15.50 Henrik: His girlfriend was cared for at home by hospice staff. Neuropathy from chemotherapy or tumor. Pain treatment at home was insufficient, so she moved to the hospice. Singing for the dying. Supporting her was the most important thing. She was “coming home”, deep faith, entering the bardos. They brought her cats into the room. She was still present in the room when she had passed. He read the Tibetan book of the Dead. Interested in what happens after the last breath. The body is not just the physical body. When she died she was very sedated and relaxed in the body who had been struggling for so long time. “Intergral Healing” by Lynne Feldman was a great help to him. When his mother died he wasn’t present, which he finds terrible not to be there.

29:00 Kristin: Her sweetheart had a heart attack and the help came too late. She felt his body empty after the transition. She wanted to remember him alive, so she didn’t stay with the body. It was a numbing and shocking experience. Seeing the violent transition, real wrestling, was real shock for her. His transition was loud, she hopes that his experience was something orgasmic and opening. Maybe it was ecstatic and not violent experience for him.

32:50 Heidi: many different ways to approach the end. Our intention to inspire people that it is take away the fear.

33:42 Heidi shares her story of Mark’s death. He died at home before the worst would have come. A belief in something greater than us. The body was becoming strange. Not sure if he is still there. But the crane at the Tiberriver. His cat died, sometimes also present as a white bird.

40:00 Heidi askes the next question, but Lynne still has to share.

40:30 Lynne shares about her relationship with Ken Wilbers whose book “Grace and Grit” became her bible (The story of his wife Terry who died of cancer). She shares about her very recent fear to have cancer again. The time was hell until she found out that it was not true. Death has been in her life for so long. She and her husband developed humour, otherwise they wouldn’t have survived all the heavy times in their lives. Her husband affirmed that he would be dying, despite there was no indication. They made a deal about his eulogy. She tells about the jewish custom. When she saw his dead body she thought it was not HIM. Singing songs for 24 hours, burial in the tradition. She had to serve hundreds of people  (shiva for 3 days). She was overwhelmed.

46:09 His daughter of very young age, he never knew anything about her. He mourned for that child. 6 month after he passed away his daughter, after 33 years,  had found him. This was the time when Lynne broke down. They screamed into the air to tell him that the daughter was found. Tibetan book of the dead. End of life Doulas: a warning to discern well who to ask to come. Continuum of care is important, freelance doulas normally don’t have that

51:00 What was the treasure in the experience? Jane: spiritual seekers: what is the body filled with when I am alive, which was not in his body. The non-dual movement brought her to peace and love: she began to be grateful for her husband’s death. The book “Gifted by grief” came when the time was right. 18 months after his death looking back in her journals, finding all the emotions which she didn’t have any more then. Her readers picked up different things than she had the intention to convey. He still has an impact on the world by her talking often publicly about him in her courses.  Finding a new partner, coming to a place of peace to have to be alone for the rest of her life. 2 days later the new partner appeared.

56:32 Kristin. Wants to read Lynn’s book. Her plan of a life together with her beloved. Also an identity was lost, an empty place was in her life, not just the physical presence of the person, but the entire life structure. Grief also for that. Need to reinvent oneself, reaching into nothingness. Resist against grief is most painful, when wave comes over, learning to surrender to it, then love and connection is there through the experience of grief. Where she found him, on the other side of the grief. Experience of eternity in the now.

1:02:20 Henrik: emptiness, the togetherness is broken, no part of the future.It takes a very long time, while finding your new way in life, fear of being alone, just noticing it, and letting go. Meeting with the grief is like honoring the life together. Cannot be lost. Meaninglessness of life, meaning to rediscover: Ken Wilber: Grace and Grit. Growing and waking up and treasuring life as meaning. The hero’s journey. Capture the day

1:09:20 Lynne: When her husband passed away, all her previous life passed away. Nobody knows her as he did. Existential crisis for Lynne: Who am I? What am I? Spiritual inquiry. She feels as part of the Universe in a non-dual way: the unwanted gift of Rick’s death.

1:12:00 Heidi: the gift of Mark’s presence. She is missing the co-creative dialogues  with hi, also the physical touch. The stages of experience after Mark’s death: strong > fearful of being alone with own death > falling into an abyss of meaning > life alone is possible, but it was not decided > Caring in the last months was a gift despite of the exhaustion. Living in a different reality, in the NOW, time frames very short. Treasured trust and the depth of relationship, energetical separation sometimes needed. No desperation. Do something with your life!  Shall I continue with the shows? Gratefulness for having learnt a lot. Mark encouraged me, my first partner

1:19:10 Henrik asks: doing this show now: do you feel like honoring your life and Mark?

1:19:24 YES, the book I created a book in honor of Mark. Heartfelt stories

1:21:32 Kristin: Create meaning, recreate life out of the emptiness is beneficial. Love will find the way.

1;22:43 Light will lift up us and everybody in that situation. Having the courage to do something like this show, Thanks to everybody

1:23:25 Henrik grateful to share this moment, and that we can bring something to whoever is watching, to people who are meeting death or sickness. Know better whatlife and death is about

1:24:20 Lynne: shares that Ken Wilber had planned a seminar about death and dying – and nobody signed up!

1:24:45 Wondering how crazy it is to NOT engage with the only certainty we have in life: death. Is it magical thinking? Lynne: “the word creates”. Even the integral crowd.

1:26:03 Heidi: the opposite idea: when talking then banning the danger: Heidi’s mother