Christmas

### Summary
The video transcript captures a warm, informal group conversation among women reflecting on the Christmas season, sharing personal experiences, traditions, and emotions tied to gift-giving and holiday preparations. The discussion is set on December 1st and covers a range of topics including seasonal weather, family dynamics, cultural customs, and the emotional complexities surrounding Christmas gifts. Several participants share their diverse attitudes toward gift-giving—from joy and creativity to obligation and trauma—highlighting the personal and social dimensions of this tradition. The conversation also touches on the challenges of balancing practicality with sentiment, the impact of family history on holiday experiences, and the importance of inclusivity and community during the festive season. They discuss unique customs from different cultures, such as the Filipino Simbang Gabi and the custom of cutting branches to bloom at Christmas. The dialogue ends on a friendly note, with participants wishing each other well and looking forward to future meetings.

### Highlights
– 🎄 The Christmas season sparks a mix of joy, stress, and reflection among the participants.
– 🎁 Diverse perspectives on gift-giving reveal both heartfelt generosity and feelings of obligation or trauma.
– 🌟 Holiday traditions vary widely, including unique cultural celebrations like the Filipino Simbang Gabi.
– 🏠 Renovations and family logistics add complexity to holiday preparations and emotions.
– 🎶 Nostalgia for traditional Christmas experiences, such as church services and carols, is shared.
– 🍫 Practical gifts like food and consumables are favored by many for their thoughtful simplicity.
– 🤝 The spirit of Christmas is ultimately seen as about togetherness, inclusion, and kindness rather than material exchange.

### Key Insights
– 🎄 **Christmas evokes multifaceted emotions, blending joy and stress:** The participants’ stories reveal how Christmas is not just a festive occasion but also a time of emotional complexity. For some, it is a cherished tradition filled with warmth and connection; for others, it stirs feelings of trauma, obligation, or loneliness. Understanding this duality is key to appreciating the varied experiences people have during the holiday season. The discussion about roof repairs symbolizing emotional upheaval exemplifies how external events can intertwine with internal holiday emotions.

– 🎁 **Gift-giving is culturally and personally nuanced, often laden with conflicting feelings:** Some participants enjoy the creative and thoughtful aspects of choosing gifts, while others feel burdened by the expectations or have past traumas linked to unwanted gifts. This spectrum underscores that gift-giving is not universally experienced as joyful; it can be a source of pressure and discomfort. The toxic competition and scorekeeping in gift exchanges discussed highlight how gift-giving can sometimes become a stressful social currency rather than an act of kindness.

– 🌍 **Cultural traditions enrich the holiday experience and provide deeper meaning:** References to diverse customs, such as the Filipino Simbang Gabi, the cutting of branches to bloom by Christmas, and the Our Lady of Guadalupe celebrations, show how Christmas is celebrated in richly varied ways worldwide. These traditions offer participants a sense of continuity, identity, and community that transcend commercial aspects of the holiday. This insight points to the importance of honoring and sharing cultural diversity in holiday celebrations.

– 🏠 **Family dynamics and logistics significantly shape holiday experiences:** Whether it’s coordinating visits across cities, navigating blended families, or managing the practicalities of home renovation, these factors deeply influence how individuals experience the season. The mention of family gatherings including widows and orphans illustrates the creative ways people seek connection and inclusion during this time, counteracting holiday loneliness.

– 🎶 **Nostalgia and change coexist in holiday observance:** Several participants express a longing for traditional Christmas elements such as church services, carols, and the communal unfolding of gifts, even as their current celebrations have evolved or diverged from those traditions. This nostalgia reflects a desire to preserve meaningful rituals even as life circumstances change, highlighting how holidays connect us to our past.

– 🍫 **Practical and consumable gifts are often preferred for their thoughtfulness and utility:** Many participants mention giving food items, bath products, or consumables, which tend to be well-received and appreciated. This preference suggests that gifts which provide immediate enjoyment or use can reduce the stress of gift selection and avoid the pitfalls of unwanted or burdensome presents. It also reflects a shift towards sustainability and mindfulness in gift-giving.

– 🤝 **The true spirit of Christmas centers on community, inclusion, and emotional generosity:** Beyond the material aspects, the conversation emphasizes bringing people together, sharing kindness, and creating joyful experiences for those who might otherwise feel isolated. This perspective reframes Christmas as a time for emotional connection and mutual support, which can be more meaningful than any gift exchange.

### Extended Analysis

The transcript offers a candid glimpse into how contemporary women balance external holiday pressures with internal emotional landscapes. The conversation begins with light-hearted weather and decoration updates, quickly moving into deeper reflections on the meaning of Christmas and gift-giving. Participants’ check-ins reveal their geographic and cultural diversity—from Vienna’s twinkling stars and live Christmas trees to Portland’s gray winters and California’s sunny roof repairs—demonstrating that Christmas is experienced differently across climates and contexts.

The discussion around presents is a central thread, illustrating a wide range of attitudes. Some participants delight in selecting personalized gifts, finding joy in surprising loved ones with thoughtful items that show deep knowledge and affection. Others recount feelings of trauma from past gift exchanges, describing how unwanted presents can lead to emotional burden and a sense of obligation. This dichotomy exposes how gift-giving can be both a source of connection and conflict.

The toxic “scorekeeping” in gift exchanges, as recounted by one participant, is particularly revealing. It shows how social pressures and competitiveness can corrupt the generosity that ideally underpins holiday gift-giving. This insight encourages reevaluating holiday traditions to prioritize genuine emotional exchange over transactional expectations.

Cultural traditions add a rich layer to the discussion. The Filipino Simbang Gabi—a series of dawn masses with musical celebration—along with other customs like cutting branches to bloom indoors, highlight how Christmas is a living, evolving set of practices that reflect cultural identity and community cohesion. These traditions provide comfort and continuity amid changing family circumstances and global diasporas.

Family dynamics emerge as a significant influence on holiday experiences. The participants discuss coordinating multiple family gatherings, managing the inclusion of extended or non-traditional family members, and handling the emotional weight of absent loved ones. One participant’s practice of inviting “widows, widowers, and orphans” to Christmas dinner exemplifies a compassionate approach to combating holiday loneliness and fostering belonging.

Nostalgia for traditional Christmas elements such as midnight mass, carols, and the sequential opening of gifts reveals a longing for ritual and shared memory. At the same time, participants acknowledge that their current celebrations have adapted to new realities, including blended families and geographically dispersed relatives. These reflections underscore how holidays bridge past and present, providing a framework for identity and community.

Practical gifts like food, bath products, and consumables are favored by many participants for their ease and appreciation. Such gifts avoid the pitfalls of accumulating unwanted objects and emphasize experience and utility. This approach aligns with contemporary sensibilities around sustainability, simplicity, and mindfulness in consumption.

Ultimately, the conversation coalesces around the idea that the essence of Christmas lies not in the gifts themselves but in the spirit of generosity, inclusion, and connection. The participants highlight the importance of bringing people together, sharing joy, and creating space for those who might otherwise be isolated during the holidays. This perspective invites a more compassionate and emotionally authentic understanding of what the season means.

The dialogue closes with warm wishes and plans for future meetings, reflecting the ongoing nature of community and conversation beyond the holiday season. This ending reinforces the value of friendship and shared experience as key elements of holiday meaning.

### Conclusion

This rich, multifaceted conversation provides valuable insights into the diverse ways women experience and interpret the Christmas season. It underscores the complexity of holiday emotions, the cultural depth of traditions, and the varied personal relationships to gift-giving. Above all, it reminds us that Christmas is ultimately about human connection, kindness, and the joy of shared moments, transcending material exchanges and social expectations.

00:00:02
Women matters and today is the 1st of December. Christmas is coming. >> Only Christmas. Who is coming? >> Good. So uh we start as always with a short checkin and then I already have intuited that we will talk somehow about gifts and Christmas and what I don’t know what let’s see Mona >> okay uh in Vienna is Christmasy so we decorated and we have stars twinkling in our windows I mean they don’t twinkle but they look like that. And my husband even we have a little live Christmas tree on the

00:00:51
balcony and he decorated that with lights and then we have so it’s very nice and we have a a Christmas advent crunch and yeah so it’s we are starting the season very early and I wonder if we just will hold up for 24 days but we’ll see. I pass on to be trees. Uh >> oh, that was quick. Thought I’d have some time to warm up. Um Christmas. Um hello. I’m in Portland. Um it is I don’t know. Winter here is a little bleak. It’s very gray and um if the sun comes out, it’s a rare

00:01:44
opportunity and you feel like a cat. and you have to chase the sunbeams and crawl into them before they disappear. It was sunny yesterday, which is nice. Today it is gray. Um I think we don’t if we get snow, we don’t get it until like February. >> Oh. >> Or or so. It’s usually later in the in the winter. Um so it’s just a lot of gray and a lot of rain. Um but Christmas lights are up. That’s nice. And uh we have Christmas lights on our house year round. Um so now it’s in season.

00:02:25
Um yeah, I don’t know what much much else I have to say. I It’s Christmas feels far away for me because I have um 19 shows of Nutcracker ahead of me and a full week of teching the show and all of that ahead this week. So, um, but I’m going to go home to San Diego for Christmas. Um, we might we might, uh, join Gayen’s family in LA, um, at his grandmother’s house cuz she can’t travel anymore. >> Mhm. >> And they used to do Christmas there and they’ve invited all of us. So, that’s so

00:03:03
we might do that for Christmas itself. Um, but anyway, I’ll get to spend time with my mother. I’ll pass it to my mother. As you all probably know by now, this is the only time I ever get to see Beatric because because uh even even talking on the phone, she has an Android and I have an iPhone, so we can’t do FaceTime or anything. So, we’ve had a couple of uh emergency Zoom calls when there’s something really crucial or a bigger meeting, but um so this is very exciting. Um, my Christmas has already begun. Um,

00:03:48
so yeah. Well, actually, since Beatric is here, it’s it’s an interesting I’ve been debating how to uh navigate Christmas this year because of um or am I supposed to do a check-in about the weather? I forgot this. I forgot the protocol. >> Not weather, but about you. >> Oh, okay. Well, about me. Okay. Well, weather-wise, it’s beautifully sunny, as should be expected, of Southern California. Um, I’m having my roof put on, so um I I just came off a Zoom call, um, a very serious, like professional

00:04:26
Zoom call a few minutes ago, and the person I was talking to said that she could hear all the pounding. So, um, I don’t know if you hear it or not, but, um, I’ve got six men on my roof right now. So, it’s been a rough week because um not only a a huge amount of noise uh but also and dirt and filth and but made big giant seemingly um like life decisions about what to do with certain aspects of the house. Um, and it just I’m just trying to like figure out what what’s emotionally based

00:05:07
and what is practical and what is um I don’t know it’s just been a a weird a weird sort of alsandung um luckily all of you know what that word means um with with emotions and memories and um because even The house itself in some weird way represents um my you know my deceased husband Beatric’s father. So I I had this dream of of like building a Taj Mahal for him and I’m having to like scale scale it back just to have a roof so I don’t have a swimming pool in my room. So that’s my

00:05:48
check and it’s um it’s been pretty traumatic I have to say. And over to Gertrout. Yeah. What should I say? Uh weather report. It’s completely dark here and it’s been rather warm for the for the months. And um I’ve been busy. I’ve been like planning one training in January. Um no, two trainings, one instant change in one for we flow uh and two sec consecutive weekends. And it’s like today was a very very busy day. And um yeah, just a lot on my mind and a lot to to organize. Hi Christine.

00:07:05
Um and yesterday I came across a new thing. You’re used to me. Um, it’s called Healing Humans and I immediately booked a date for Friday because it was so like what do you say appealing or so? Yeah. So, I can tell you more about it next time. And um as you know my learning is my my ongoing destiny till I get yeah when I hit the 90s I’m might still attend any >> it’s the essence of your life >> learning. >> Yeah it’s not only learning but also share that with others. So like to so if

00:08:12
my heart is full I want to just Yeah. So and planning for Christmas is is kind of um Yeah. We’re going to the middle daughter and the other one comes from Hamburg. So we’re not celebrating here but at my daughters and um I’m very much looking forward to see my grandchildren and children so it’s really nice to look ahead. >> You might meet another time before Christmas. It’s only the 1st of December. >> Yeah, it feels like it’s around the corner. Okay, Christine,

00:09:03
good that you are here. >> Good morning. Sorry I am late. Um, yeah, I was talking to the contractor who’s at our house bright and early working on a project we have going. So, it’s been interesting. Dusty, dirty, can’t find things because we packed them away. Where are they now? Who knows? So, um, little little chaotic. Uh, but you know, it’s all it’s all for the good. Um, Thanksgiving was very nice, quiet. My eldest daughter was with her in-laws, so that was, you know, now we got to share

00:09:42
her. Gosh darn it. Um, so we didn’t we didn’t really get to see her or her our new son-in-law uh for Thanksgiving. Um, what else? I don’t know. Just I’m I’m counting the weeks. I retire on the 31st. I think I have five more Mondays in the office. So, I’m I’m counting them. I was thinking about extending my work and the more I realize I really have no interest in it. So, I’m putting things off and and procrastinating and procrastinating and I’m like, well, that

00:10:24
should be a sign. My procrastination should be telling me something. So, uh it probably is. Um but I’ll go to a training on Friday and then after I do the training, I’ll see how I feel about that. But um Lorraine is still in New York. So hopefully she will join us later on in the month. Maybe at the next meeting I will encourage her to return. Um so um everything else is good. >> Good. Hello Trina. Good to see you too. Do you want to do your check in? >> Sure. Thank you honey. Again, sorry for

00:11:05
being late. Monday’s Monday mornings are always a little busy because I’m out. Um, yeah, it’s uh I’m feeling pretty good. I’m feeling kind of rested. I’m hoping to wrap up my ethics uh tomorrow with my professors. We’ll see how what I hope for and what actually happens. But, uh, it’s been kind of a pleasant weekend spending time with friends and a lot more socializing coming up because that’s the season we’re in. So, feeling pretty good. Yeah. >> Thanks.

00:11:34
I’m left for the checkin. It’s dark and it was yesterday morning. It was ice on my window screen from the car when I wanted to go. So that was surprising. It hasn’t done it for a few years that it was really ice, but okay. But during the day it’s it’s more or less warm. And I did some more olive pruning today and uh doing things and preparing for a new trip to England and uh Christmas I probably will be alone but after Christmas I won’t be alone. So it’s good. We were thinking

00:12:18
when we met before recording we might talk about what Christmas means to us. what it what we are uh doing for Christmas. What the the gift Mona wants to to persuade me to to bring um gift to my uh new man to to England. I have only a rock sack and hardly put my stuff in and then I show no I I I for at least for 30 or 40 years I never did this gift thing with my family and my friends. So, you know, when I’m invited somewhere, then I bring something, you know, might be some food or we have um yesterday

00:13:01
agreed on 31st of um December that my neighbor up here, she will host us. Everybody bring something because she has a panorama. You see all the uh the lights in at night in in all directions. And we we will see how that goes. Then I I bring something logically. But because it’s Christmas, I have to to give gifts to everybody. It seems to me absurd. When I want to give something to to somebody out of a reason because I think it might be a good thing, then I do it during the year. But why to Christmas?

00:13:44
No, that’s not my >> So you are already going to the topic and this is check in or >> I have checked in. I said that I’m I’m already in the face of um uh transporting you into the topic. So okay. >> Okay. >> Okay. uh my our second daughter who now lives in Corinthia in the south of Austria. Beautiful snow there. It’s just uh very Christmassy. But she created a WhatsApp group today uh with the title coming home for Christmas. just me and her older sister and she

00:14:33
just her older sister she and uh a little car with a Christmas tree on top. So that’s very funny because we have to organize whatever is going and where is who is where and when and so that’s um that’s new because uh usually we all came together at my older daughters and who lives just next block and had a very nice meal and then we waited through Christmas gifts because everybody gave gave everybody something so that multiplies and my second daughter tried to convince us that just one gift would be enough

00:15:22
but uh it’s it’s yeah I have all my gifts ready and I won’t wrap them I just put the name on it and it’s usually things to eat but also some nice uh uh tablecloths, small tablecloths from the British shop with Christmas uh Christmasy berries and and things like that. So, it’s quite nice. I love giving gifts. Uh and I couldn’t understand Heidi visiting her friend that she didn’t bring one small tiny gift to him which he can open after or under the tree or something like that. She doesn’t even

00:16:09
have to be present when he opens it. Anyway, >> it looks like everybody has a different approach to gift. >> I just respond to you. I have a a not a good experience with gifts because I had um from my first marriage I got stuff and a lot of gifts and I had felt the obligation and to keep them and to keep them and to keep them because people who give the gifts often are not aware that the other people maybe they don’t want that sort of gift and then they feel like oh I can’t throw it away and but I

00:16:47
don’t like it so I have to keep it. So I’m not really favorable of gifts. Not at all. >> You sound traumatized. >> Okay. Maybe. Yes. >> Gifts. Well, I have a very clear uh approach. If somebody gives me something I really don’t want, I said, “Well, uh that doesn’t fit or that maybe you find somebody else.” So, I’m very clear about it. I don’t keep gifts that I don’t like. And Strangely enough, everybody knows what I like. So, uh, and most of

00:17:22
the things I give is something to eat or to use up in the bathroom or or uh bubble baths or marmallet jams. So, it’s um yeah, it’s all much appreciated as far as I know and nobody was ever shocked about one of my gifts. Anyway, I pass on to whoever will feels like gifted for this talk. >> I have marmalade, but I cannot take it in the airport in the in the airplane. So, it stays home. Excuse me, Victoria. Go ahead, everybody. Well, Christine Christine and I were >> Yeah, I I love giving gifts, especially

00:18:07
if I can think of something that I know the person, you know, it wasn’t on their Christmas list, but I found something that I think they’ll just love. I just love that feeling of surprising people and giving them the feeling that I’ve thought about them and know them well. Tom is a terrible giftgiver and um he doesn’t put any thought into it. there’s a million things he could get me and he always seems to be clueless. I mean, I don’t know. It’s like he doesn’t know what I

00:18:37
like to do or I don’t know. He’s not good at it. He doesn’t put any thought into it, which it’s not his strength. And so, I’ve come to accept that. But I love giving gifts. And maybe um I well you just said you can’t bring bring it bring stuff on the plane Heidi but you know some olive oil from your property or some olives from your property would be a wonderful gift. >> You cannot bring liquids in the airplane. >> It’s illegal. Well, >> and since uh UK left the

00:19:15
>> the eel, >> well, it’s also an island, so it’s like Australia. Um there they’re huge um issues with with if any insects or or unknown sentient entities are coming into the country. >> So, you’re off the hook, Heidi. Um I what? >> Not even trees you can bring there. >> Oh, I know. No, no, I know. It’s It’s uh I lived in Australia for six years. You c you can’t take anything that even resembles food except um like a jar of Marmite or something which uh No, I

00:19:50
couldn’t take that on the plane. I had to give a jar of Marmite to a news newspaper guy. Um that’s going in that’s going into the United States, too. Okay, enough of that. um that I I’m not don’t want to comment on customs um specifically. What I wanted to say operove the gift thing is it can be very toxic. Um I just had a really unpleasant series of email exchanges with um a very toxic friend of mine that I’ve known since seventh grade. Um, I keep I keep screwing up my courage and cutting her

00:20:26
off and feeling my life is much more peaceful and pleasant and then she weasles her way back into my um my world and then I it it’s then you know something then there’s another rupture and what it amounts to and this is what I wrote to her in my last email exchange with her which was just a couple days ago. Um, my mother had a friend like that too who My mother was very hospitable, very generous. Um, loved holidays more than life itself, was always giving parties and dinners and everything. Just couldn’t get enough of

00:20:59
it. Um, and but she had some friends who were keeping score all the time and she had one friend in particular who was constantly saying to her, um, well, you owe me. You owe me. You owe me. and um a fabulously wealthy woman. By the way, my mother never had money. She just had a big heart and she loved to cook. And so, of course, she was always behind the eightball because she couldn’t compete on the level of this fabulously wealthy friend. And I was amazed that the friendship stayed for decades. Um but

00:21:33
right up until my mother’s death, she was like keeping score and reminding my mother that my mother was behind and not going to win. And so I remembered this and um wrote in no uncertain terms. I I was really proud of myself afterwards. I’ll have to report it to my therapist. Um that I just I just said I said you are the my friend is is an amazing hostess and it’s it’s like her that’s her creative gift and she has beautiful china and silver and everything’s perfect and glorious and she’s a

00:22:05
fabulous cook and she’s very generous. She’s Egyptian and she has that whole Middle Eastern thing that just lavish lavish and she’s always taking gifts to everybody all the time, even strangers. So, I just wrote to her and I said, “You, you know, I praised her to the heavens.” And then I said, um, cuz she was accusing me of not keeping up. And I said, “I could never keep up. Not in a million years.” I said, “So, I am just with all due respect and with great love

00:22:31
and appreciation, I’m going to bow out of this. I didn’t realize that this was a competition and I’m grateful for everything you’ve ever done since I was born and well whatever. And um but the trauma involved in this this game, like Christine said, I that’s the way I look at gifts is like you see something that reminds you of somebody and you think, “Wow, that’s the perfect thing for so and so.” That’s a joyful thing. This thing of where I can see what Heidi’s

00:23:01
talking about. Like if it’s just an obligation because it’s a certain time of year and you have to do a certain thing and it has to meet certain specifications and standards then it’s no fun anymore and then it’s not joyous and then it it is kind of I don’t know. So, so anyway, I just wanted to bring that into the conversation that this this there are different attitudes. Everyone, like Mona said, everyone has a different attitude about gifts. But I think from my experience,

00:23:28
what I’m trying to do to empower myself is um I’m I’m trying to start being true to myself and not let people manipulate me because it’s very it’s just very painful. So, anyway, sorry I talk so long, but that’s that’s my big share of the day. Okay. Okay. And I’d love to hear what other people have to say about that because I think it is a in human nature this competitive thing that isn’t part of the giftgiving and generosity thing at all. It’s a whole other

00:23:56
a parallel toxic thread. There’s an interesting one which is um in in theater and opera and ballet there’s different conventions for um giftgiving on opening night of a show. And even though I’ve done this for years, I always forget because I’m so uh caught up in the work of getting the show up that it doesn’t occur. With the opera, I had a whole day off between our last rehearsal and our first show. I could have gone somewhere and gotten something. And I showed up at our last

00:24:35
show and all there was all these things on my desk, you know, the mini champagne bottle and a card and a keychain and and this is the opera. There was there were, you know, seven or eight principal singers. There was the design team of five people. There was the tech team that I was working which was another six people. And then, you know, don’t count the chorus cuz then you really can’t count. And what are you supposed to do? And but all these things were arriving at my desk and I felt so guilty that I I

00:25:05
ran out of the theater and I ran for 8 minutes up the street to a chocolate shop and I got these little chocolates because, you know, if I’m buying things for 25 people, I can’t get anything significant because then becomes an expense. And I came back anyway. I handed the chocolates out and it was nice and they were nice chocolates but um I don’t know it’s you know I felt I felt weird. It’s nice to be able to do the gesture. I my problem is I forget or I get too busy with other things or I’m

00:25:38
too focused on something else and suddenly the deadline has arrived and I haven’t figured out what I’m going to do. Um which is going to be real. I mean that h every year with Christmas I’m so occupied during Nutcracker I don’t really have time to go shopping but um and now there’s many more people to consider because Galen’s family Galen’s you know has two siblings a niece and a nephew a grandmother possibly the other grandmother the parents you know there’s there’s a lot of people

00:26:13
oh an uncle and and um I think last year they were going to try to do the one the one gift idea and then that nobody wanted to do it so they didn’t do it. Um what was smart though propo Christine um was they did make it last year they made a Google doc where everybody could write write down things that they like. Not not necessarily a a wish list for Christmas but but like what kinds of things do they like? And then you could decide from that if there’s something you’re excited to give them. You didn’t

00:26:50
have to, but that was um so I like I put, you know, patterned socks on mine, you know, and and then I got, you know, Galen’s uncle, who never knows what to give me as a gift. He always is always calling Galen to ask, um, you know, got me pairs of pattern socks that I love and I wear all the time, you know, and he wouldn’t have known that otherwise. So, I don’t know. Um, that was a ramble. Yeah, the obligation thing. I don’t like the obligation thing either. And also I can’t stand to not be a part of it. So

00:27:22
what ends up happening is I just scramble at the last minute. And I try I try to do both. I try to do the obligation and I try to find the perfect surprise gift that tells the person that I get them. Exactly. It’s very ambitious and very hard. Well, I find it kind of funny that we ended up on this topic this morning. Um, because I don’t feel particularly traumatized by Christmas. I mean, Christmas has changed from my childhood where it was all about um going shopping for my family and going to church and

00:28:04
Christmas pageantss and midnight midnight carol services and cold weather and um you know that’s really shifted because uh uh my husband’s not one for going to church and so I I’ve gradually over our marriage lost that connection. Uh but I I I crave it. I still miss being in a church with candles and great music and uh singing favorite hymns. Uh but I woke up this morning and this I find it so funny. I was like, “Why I thought of this? I don’t know.” And I went, “Yeah, remember like five years

00:28:39
ago you had that Christmas gift exchange and you got to figure out something for someone you really liked and there was a dollar limit.” But because I was in love with rose gold, um, I got her the what I consider an extraordinarily nice full-size umbrella that came to something this small that you could easily tuck in a purse. But when it opened up and I thought it was the prettiest thing and she sort of opened and went >> like this, I went and I’m like, “Oh, I don’t think I’ve had that reaction

00:29:12
before.” >> And I’m like, “Oh, gee.” because it was it was a secret Santa. So, you didn’t know who was giving you a gift. So, I’m like, gee whiz, you know, I sort of went a little over budget cuz I really like you and you’re looking at it like, why would I want an umbrella in Victoria where it rains all the time? Okay. Um, but then I also remembered that the person who was my secret Santa gave me all sorts of things that uh were crafty and um I I dislike crafts, but they were

00:29:42
actually fairly clever and useful. So I thought, well, this person went through a lot of trouble and very nice little gifts. I was like, it was very joyful for me. Um, but Christmas gifts, I try to come up with something unique for my husband and some years I’m good at it and some years I’m not cuz he likes surprises. So if I can figure it out, I do. But if not, it tends to get a little practical, the things that we just don’t buy for ourselves. But we always try to fit in something secret. For kids, it’s more

00:30:14
like uh what do they need that they can’t afford. Um you know, that’s that’s fairly simple, but I only exchange with gifts with one friend. Um and we keep it fairly tame. It’s it’s not competitive. I’ve had those competitive friends, and I just uh recently got rid of one, too. And I can’t believe it lasted. I put up with it as long as I did because she kept score, too. Um, and it was very unpleasant Victoria. And I know what you mean by score because she got worse in

00:30:45
time and it was very interesting how incredibly toxic she was. But, uh, I don’t know, Christmas to me is, uh, just bringing people together and I find that there’s a lot of pressure. Um, you know, we’ve moved across this country, so we’ve usually been away from our family uh, and not possible to travel all the way across Canada and a miserable time of year to travel. But we got in the habit of uh bringing in uh as we say widows, widowers and orphans. And so our our goal is to bring people together uh

00:31:19
for a dinner and who would had no one else to have dinner with and so that they didn’t feel lonely. And it’s this loneliness that imposes Christmas sometimes imposes on people who don’t have family or friends who include them. So, I have one more space at my table and that’s that’s what I’m going to be looking for one of the perhaps international students in my program um who needs to have a be around a table. But yeah, that’s that’s what it is for me. It’s not church anymore. Um and my

00:31:54
husband’s a little flamboyant with gifts. I’m pretty clever, but I’m I’m just want to be practical because I don’t need a lot and I love things that I can consume. So, Mona, I would love, you know, nuts and chocolates and um fun things that I wouldn’t buy for myself. I I love getting the food basket because to me, it’s been very carefully selected. So, um and Heidi, what about chocolate? Nobody. If he doesn’t need chocolate bonus, he can give it to you in a perfect regifting.

00:32:28
Okay. I was raised in a family of seven children. So um there was a tradition that normally German families celebrate Christmas on Christmas Eve and they exchange but my my family was um like we went to church midnight church or 10:00 maybe and then in the morning we had the the the gift exchange And um they was always pleasant and my family was not so pleasant at all times. My parents especially uh but somehow we managed to have those times very pleasant. So I for me this this is one of my good memories.

00:33:36
um and have everybody at the table and and we had this um yeah like a rule that everybody uh that not everybody just unpacks all the gifts at once, but just one at a time so everybody could see what they got and rave about it and yeah, just and it took two hours or so till the last one was was unwrapped and everybody was happy because they were celebrating the gift of each and everyone and um so it’s it’s kind of um like these are the memories I like to keep and and so we did it with our

00:34:28
children and um sometimes friends were there uh or we had an African student who couldn’t go home. So we invited him here and and just so the little ones who still felt like you know my children or now the the the grandchildren. So, who were old enough to do that but young enough to enjoy it and and and then they they So, we have everything underneath the tree and then they pick up pick some and then there’s a name on it and the one who gets the present can choose the next one and then the little

00:35:13
one takes it. And this is so like how to spend time together and and talking and yeah, so I really really really like that. And uh and my kids um even if they had families, they wanted to to come here uh for for the we do it the 24th. But um yeah, now they invited us to come to them. So we don’t have the work. But um I think they really take on this torch and and and give it to to the next generation and everybody loves it. So yeah, I I like to to keep that and and it just little things. It’s not not

00:36:08
about much or premeditated with the parents. So what do you want? What do you need? And not just Yeah. So, we don’t want to to offend them if we just take something that they wouldn’t give their children or something like that or Yeah. So, I’m pretty content and um don’t have any resistance. So, yeah, I love to to pick them out. I’m I’m pretty last last minute person but but still I I love to wrap them and yeah just put nice thoughts and love into it. I remember being the baby of my family

00:37:03
of three kids and I felt a lot of pressure to believe in Santa Claus as long as possible because everybody wanted me to believe in Santa Claus. It brought them joy to feel like I still believed. And so I think I was like 10 years old still trying to pretend like I believed in Santa Claus. But um that was something I remember uh from my childhood and and uh remember giving my grandmothers hand lotion and handkerchiefs like every Christmas, you know, they got hand lotion and handkerchiefs because there

00:37:41
was nothing else they needed. So that was something. You you make me laugh because um when our children were old enough um I I I said to them, “It’s okay that you know that Santa is not real, but daddy doesn’t know.” >> My grandmother used to put um toothbrushes and floss and something like that in my stocking and and I was like, “Grandma, this isn’t from Santa. I was very mad that she was interfering with Santa’s work um by putting by putting these useful things. I was like, Santa wouldn’t give

00:38:25
me a toothbrush. Yeah. Well, our Christmas is very much like gears and even the dog gets presents and the dog knows. So she really she waits and then when she gets a present she takes it and takes it to her uh bed and uh she keeps it. So it’s it’s it’s fun. But uh um the first Christmas I well I was born during the war and my grandmother made from a a box a sewing box. She she made a manger out of that and we still have it. So it’s still and my husband and the children they they

00:39:18
just love to put the animals there and I bet I buy usually I bought now we have so many uh camels and elephants and for the three main the kings of Orient and yeah we have some I also have Rudolph the red-nosed rain deer circling around Sandra’s house and Whenever the the children the children children the grown-up children come they have to find that and they look at it and so it’s sort of tradition and my husband he complained because I said this year we have so many chocolates. We have uh one you put for

00:40:01
24 days a piece of chocolate or two in each of these little pockets. And I said, “Well, we have so many chocolates. I don’t want to.” No, it has to be there and I want it. So, it’s sort of a regressive uh uh childlike uh attitude and we don’t mind it. It’s uh yeah, we we usually do it as as Krat said. Uh somebody brings you your present with your name on it and then watching when you unpack it and if you like it. So it’s it’s kind of nice and I never I couldn’t imagine a competition

00:40:48
about uh the wife of my grandson last year. She made a bag uh cross bag and she she printed it and embroidered very personally. I got one with uh for the squills nuts to put nuts in and she wrote on it for elegant squill or something like that. So it was really creative and not just bought and we appreciate it very much because she was really to give one to everyone. So it’s quite the crowd already. So, um, yeah, I wouldn’t miss giving gifts. And my husband just asked me, “Well, have you used up your perfume?” I said,

00:41:39
“Yeah, but I don’t smell it.” Well, I like the smell of it, so he is going to give me perfume. >> I was He likes to smell it. >> I can connect with what Gatra said. It was also our in our family know the the habit that we enter into the Christmas room and the lights are on the tree and then first my father sang we all except my mother sang Christmas songs and then he read the the first part of the Christmas Bible thing and then the smallest could unwrap the packages first and and so on. Normally it was

00:42:26
books and many afterwards we were sitting all with our new books and reading and so on. But you are right, Mona. I have a little bit of a trauma of um of uh gifts, especially of getting gifts because I had a horrible aunt, a baptized aunt, not a real aunt. And she always uh for every birthday or for Christmas or whatever she uh she gave me a she gave me >> and and mother >> silver spoon or something and you know with eight years you don’t want to have one silver spoon for your for your

00:43:09
birthday or for Christmas you know or I still think about her like so far off, you know, how and she was a a a dragon and um you know that was still I think about she was um hating women and uh so I as her female u yeah >> go >> you know it’s it’s enough but this is certainly the the gift drama which I got from her and then it perpetuated it. Not always, but sometimes. Yes. >> Well, I guess we all agree that Heidi could take some nice chocolates to her friends. >> Yeah, I will with with nuts and that is

00:44:01
it won’t melt in winter and it will be passing the the controls. So, that’s a good idea tomorrow. I get it. >> And give him our regards to him. >> Yeah. and everybody else except >> I tell him we insisted that you bring it. >> You don’t have to say that. But I had a godmother like that >> who was my my father’s eldest sister and she was Yeah. that and and when we moved she had to so she took me for two weeks so my parents could move so I was six seven

00:44:49
something and um then I heard her she took money from my parents and then he said she could give me a double and I wouldn’t take her anymore and then my my father and and she were in a big fight and she said, “Oh, you whatever swear word and he slammed the door when he he took me.” And from that time on, I didn’t get any spoons, silver spoons anymore. So, it was so I had to take the brunt of that uh relationship. It was till her death and uh she was Yeah. So I know this but I didn’t let that be my trauma.

00:45:40
>> No, it’s not as bad as it looks like when I talk about it, you know. >> Yeah, but she was bad. >> I had a friend, a female friend, uh five four years older than I and she was a Capricorn and she hated gifts. My goodness. And that was really funny. But somehow I always found a book she liked and I gave it to her for Christmas. So she couldn’t resist. But uh yeah, it’s it’s uh rather strange. And I feel sorry for everybody who doesn’t really enjoy the Christmas

00:46:18
spirit because this year we are going to enjoy it no matter what. But but but but but Christmas spirit doesn’t depend on gifts, please. >> No, that’s why we have all the lights up and all the decorations and >> and the candles and >> candles, right? >> Good. Enjoy. That’s what I was going to say that the um I always know that it’s Christmas season not not only from all the beautiful lights everywhere but um I I’m going to like I just looked at my calendar yesterday like 15 different

00:46:55
things before Christmas which are all related to Christmas in one way or another. different festivals because every every ethnic group um has its own festivals and over the years I’ve gotten to know people that are from the different like the Mexicans have the pada and the uh Filipinos. This is my absolute favorite. I’m just insane for it. um simbangabi which is um you get up at 4:30 in the morning every day for 9 days and um there’s a a mass with um tons of music in Tagalog which I don’t

00:47:33
understand but but it’s phonetic and they put it up and you can sing along and a whole like whole orchestras they all get up at 4 in the morning and then they have all these these beautiful um lights that are they’re called pearls anyway it’s like a whole cultural And then they have a huge breakfast. Um, and just the joy of the different cultures and it all comes out at this time of year. It’s it’s I find it really exciting. Like the Our Lady of Guadalupe is I’m going to like five Our Lady of

00:48:04
Guadalupe things, processions and festivals and candlelight processions and um Aztec dancing with with um Paulo Santo incense and it’s like it’s I don’t know. So for me that’s that’s the greatest joy like way beyond any kind of gifts um because it’s like constant excitement and celebration and um and very inclusive like that whole thing of like um you know the the pressure of like the family thing of like who’s family and how many people and how big is the table and who’s making what in these big

00:48:42
community celebrations. It’s it’s it’s such a big thing. All of that doesn’t enter in. It’s very open-ended. And so that’s for me the spirit of Christmas. And do you have Santa Barbara? um the 3rd of December, you cut um branches and you put them inside in in water and by Christmas they bloom. >> Oo. Well, I don’t think anything blooms in California, but I could I could try. >> Yeah, but you bring them inside. So >> that’s the feast of Santa Barbara.

00:49:25
>> Yeah. >> Oh, I’ve never heard of it. >> It’s the third one is called Barbaratel. Okay. >> Yeah. So you you you cut branches so like well begin off and uh where and then they get buds and and and bloom by Christmas. So that’s that’s a tradition in our >> Yeah. Oh, and then there’s the Oh, what is the there’s a there’s a a balm um that I don’t know what it’s called. And the the some of my Catholic friends told me about I it’s another tradition I

00:50:05
didn’t know about where the the O antifons the the the nine days before Christmas, you hang them on a tree. You have a little tree in your house, kind of like a Easter tree. Um do you know about that? Is that a is that a European thing? I don’t know. I don’t I don’t know that it’s it’s just you can take cherry, you can take whatever you want. You you just have to cut them early enough, which is the 3rd of December. >> And then you put them in a vase and have them warm enough so so they can just

00:50:42
sprout and uh do their thing. And then you have like white blossoms at Christmas. Oh, >> so beautiful. Of course, in California, it would be the other way around. Everything that you bring inside dies and the things you leave outside will will bloom beautifully. >> Yeah. It has to be warm enough. I mean, >> it’s a climate thing. Yeah. Yeah. >> It wouldn’t work. Yeah. >> That’s what’s funny about the traditions. I mean, I lived in Australia for six years and it was all so bizarre.

00:51:13
I mean, and there my neighbor made this traditional English Christmas pudding and every day she was pouring like a whole bottle of brandy into it. It was in her pantry and then finally when it was so saturated it must have weighed like 1,000 lbs. She hung it up wrapped in the cloth on her clothesline outside because in Australia it’s high high summer at that point and then the heat of the summer sun it it like fermented even more and became this just like crazily alcoholic thing. It was delicious. Um, but so funny to be like

00:51:48
like take like this in very English tradition from the cold winter, you know, the the the steamed pudding with brandy sauce and then transport it to where it’s it’s this boiling hot summer and nobody wants a hot meal. And I mean, it’s it’s so interesting these different traditions. Guys, I have to say goodbye. I’ll see you in two weeks. I gotta I gotta get to work. Love you. >> Bye. >> Not so young anymore. Bye-bye. >> Yeah, we have discussed quite a bit of

00:52:24
Christmas traditions and I will think about the the the the branches because I have the apricot tree which I want to cut away branches anyway. So, it’s not yet the 3rd of December. It’s still two days. So, I will cut some and put them inside and see if >> Yeah. Yeah. I think this is also like they cut trees for to trim them >> and and and then take them inside. Uh >> yeah, >> nice idea. Thank you >> ladies. We see again in two weeks and then we will see what comes out. How

00:53:01
many gifts you have already prepared, bought, sent away. We will see and I will tell you if the chocolate has survived my chocolate hunger. >> When do you leave? >> Uh in on in Thursday in three days. >> And then you’re back here in two weeks. I mean you’re back there in two weeks. >> I’m arriving in the afternoon. I hope I will be in time. >> Great. Great. >> Well, safe travels and have fun. >> Have a fantabulous time. >> Thank you. I will. I’m sure I will. You

00:53:34
should buy yourself some treats at Fortnham and Mason. That’s what I would do. >> I buy I buy them there then. >> Yeah. >> Okay. Bye. Bye. Bye. >> Bye everybody. Thanks.