Celebration

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We are women matters in June 2025. And before we start, we do as always um check in, we might talk about what in our life is worth celebrating at the moment. So I give over to Vienna. Well, thank you, Heidi. Uh, as I mentioned, we my husband and I shall be celebrating our 60th anniversary. So, that’s the diamond anniversary. So I have diamonds, plastic diamonds all around and we will put them on the table and yeah so it’s quite very sentimental because he we have also a picture show that will run all the time and all these

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and most of the things sort of retreated into the background but now when I when you look at them of course you get sentimental. And the other thing that really challenges me is that we don’t have an elevator in our house and because it broke down and it’s one week and it will be another week more. So that’s really a challenge how to organize shopping and getting out of the house anyway. So it’s challenging time. Let’s put it this way. Okay. I pass to you Jah. Thanks Mona. Um well um we just celebrated our birthdays. Uh my

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husband’s was on the 4th and mine was on Saturday the 14. So we celebrated um his with some friends in our neighborhood of shared a birthday. And then we celebrated ours together um just the two of us um in a very lovely restaurant near our boat. and then yesterday with friends so we had our shared kick yesterday so we’re celebrating that and um you know it was also father’s day so that’s a little sentimental for fathers here and heavenly fathers um but you know when we talk about celebrating I I I feel here

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in Victoria that everything around you suggests that you should be celebrating so you know the flowers the ocean the the people. There’s a lot to celebrate, but uh I think it’s a good thing that we do find ways to to look at that from the positive side versus um letting the rest of the world um tell us that it’s in trouble. We can you can just create your own little Isis Monia. I’m so excited for your anniversary. I mean, as you say, when you look back, all the things you’ve done over the 60 years, it’s quite incredible. Raising

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children and doing what you do and then families, it’s going to be quite quite an adventure. Nice. Yeah, I continue because Victoria, she is not yet present, I think. Still in the car. So um what what I notice listening to you celebration and it’s also in my memory is always connected with going out to eat isn’t it the the feast the eating seems to be a an integral part of of of celebration isn’t it and actually I have to celebrate because finally I have my new car Saturday yeah and I said I wrote to the person

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who who helped me to to choose it and to to organize it and initiate it. I would love to that him he would be here and we could celebrate and go out for eating but it’s too far away so we can’t but um I think you’re right celebration could be every wherever you look you know I mean here you see the the the oleanders there in flower there’s another oleander there in flower the the roses are almost gone but it is so beautiful everything We would have enough enough occasions to celebrate life and celebrate

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the earth and nature and everything. Instead, we are getting caught into this weird thing. Uh you may have heard that we have had a terrible accident in Gratz uh an amch uh shooter and yes on Saturday there was uh the annual Shimun concert where the Philarmonics play and the of course they started rather sober and and you in memory. There was an standing up a quiet moment or minute and then uh one of the teners sang uh in German it is fringed asleep. So, uh, France, life is worth living. And it was so moving. Everybody was just

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swallowing and and he sang it so beautifully. And so, and my daughter was there. She had whip tickets. And she said it was so amazing that the applause started in the front and ended in the back and he waited for everybody to. So he really sang it beautifully and we thought yeah that’s life is worth living never whatever happens and it’s it was sort of a mixture of really deep sorrow and grief and just the joy of living. Yeah. Yeah. That is on parallel no what is happening in the world and all these

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horrible things and parallel with the beauty and we always want to have only one thing and the good thing and I think we need to get used to that you cannot have one part of the stick you have always both parts of the stick you know oh I see Victoria is coming okay do your check in hi sorry um it’s always very tight on Mondays Um I before I share um I I just because I was it turned out that the road was closed so there was a detour and I got distracted. Mona I didn’t catch what the um what the the the the

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sorrow was in Shinbrun. Oh no no no. Um in Gratz in Gratz in the school there was an Amokch shooter and he killed 11 children and and one teacher I believe and then he killed himself. So and this has never h anything like this has never happened in Austria. So we had three days of state morning and uh yeah and everybody was really shook up and of course the media they enjoyed having something but they were rather restrictive because everybody just said stop that and don’t and the the pupils themselves uh they

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asked for respect for they won’t talk about something like this and in interviews and so on and so on. So people really reacted well but nevertheless this was something that shook up the whole country and even yeah in other countries we got lots of participation and yeah but uh Victoria I’m glad you’re here and you can tell us about your concert and well and and and have your check in first. Um, well, my check-in is uh is well, I’m back and um I’m I’m very very exhausted and the thing it’s what

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what’s making me think a lot about the fragility of life is that somehow um a a situation with one of my heels has been building up. I I tend to ignore things when I have like pain or something. Um because I always think, well, it’s temporary. It’ll go away because I have a lot of pain that comes and goes and comes and goes. So, I just tend to ignore it. But it’s definitely impacted my trip in a major way. And um so now I’m going to have to go to the doctor and and uh but it’s made me think about uh especially because it was a

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reunion after um the 45th reunion and to see the tremendous mobility of my most of my classmates and then be limping around and I happened to be housed um very far away from from uh from the activities. So that was that made everything harder because it I had I was on my on my feet for day day and night, you know, all those receptions. Um so yeah, I mean I’ve endless uh endless stories to tell, but I’m um I’m glad to be back. It was momentarily I was sorry to be back because I thought I I sort of

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got a glimpse of what what the outside world is like because I’ve been such a hermit for so long. Um now I’m realizing that it’s you know I couldn’t have sustained something like that over time. It was very intense and um very emotional. But I heard in the all all of your check-ins um definitely over and over again that the well I mean Heidi it’s up to you to uh to decide on the theme but um the theme of celebration seems very evident on on all um hands. Oh and I didn’t know I thought diamond anniversary was the 75th and I thought

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oh my goodness ammonia’s I’ve lost track of time. I thought she was only in her 80s. Um, so it’s 60. Is that correct? Okay. So, still you were married very young. No, it’s just I’m married at 23. So, that’s not very young, but we we looked like children. Looking back, we looked like children. You’ll have to send us photos. How was your playing your music? Well, that is the is the saddest thing of all. Um, I it it it was so it I don’t know what it was. I don’t even know how to speak about it. Um,

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I played but I didn’t get to play if if you know what I mean. Well, you probably don’t know what I mean. um the when I was there um 25 years ago and and Harvard paved my way to to come and perform, it was like a real I mean it was something real. I got to play, you know, some solos. I got to um lead a string quartet and some chamber music, some Mozart and some other pieces. It was um I mean it still was only, you know, part of a large memorial service. So even then it wasn’t like a concert in the sense it was only a couple of

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minutes but um but it felt it felt worthy in the sense that you know they a lot of expense and a lot of you know mundang was was exercised to get me there then to do this and I feel like I definitely did what you know it was worth it for them and it was worth it for me etc. this time. Um, it was I mean, if I told you the whole story, it would take the whole hour. Suffice it to say that the the man who um made it possible for me to come, who was the um the mastermind behind this whole event, it was it ended up being a show about

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him. He’s very narcissistic. It was an amazing show, I have to say. was a very complicated choreography of the choir splitting up into groups, sometimes being amongst the people, sometimes filing in and filing out, coming in and out of various chapels and rooms and and going around in a snake- like form and ending up on the front steps of the where the pulpit was. This is all in the church. Um and uh there were four of us uh four string it was technically a string quartet but as all of us lamented um we

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didn’t play any string quartet we didn’t play any music we were just doubling the the parts of the choir um and and we weren’t also weren’t told there there was no time I mean he in all of the machinations I have a huge book that um somebody left behind that I brought home as a kind of a exhibit a a book this thick with instructions of down to the minute like a like a military operation 158 so and so is in this seat maps diagrams where people were supposed to be where they were going where they were coming

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from um and he never he never printed out the music for us for example we had to awkwardly try to read off the coral part and we had to take someone else’s coral part so that we could have music then he had to share with somebody else. It was I I still can’t fathom it. And the the the thing that the reason I’m carrying it as a big burden in my heart, I still haven’t decided what to do about it, is that I feel like it was um a terrible waste. Uh that I, you know, and I took I took my I was debating back and forth, should

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I take my expensive violin, which is currently uninsured, or take a cheaper violin that I if it’s stolen, it’s not the end of the world. And Beatatrice then said, um, take, you know, mama, you you want to be happy playing, take your beautiful violin. And, um, anyway, uh, I don’t want to take up too much time, but it I’m, it still hurts a lot because, uh, I feel like it was, uh, completely po pointless. I mean, I I could have not been there and it wouldn’t have made any difference. That that would have been the same event

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really. Um, so, so it was, yeah, it w and it wasn’t that I wanted to be profiled or featured as a soloist or anything, you know, it wasn’t about ego. It was just about making a contribution. um that I it was a really as you know you know you’ve walked with me through you know I don’t know how many months of anxiety and torment even making the decision to go and um I don’t know it’s just it’s so ironic I still can’t I still can’t process it. So um but you know I I did what I did in good faith. I

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just I almost feel like you know I should come up with the money myself and pay them back. But then I thought, as a friend of mine said, it has nothing to do with me. It’s not my fault. And I even right up until the last minute, I think I told you a few months ago already, like three months ago, uh because he was preparing the program, he asked all of the musicians to submit the pieces they would like to perform. And he specifically said he would like me to play the prelude for the service. And I

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gave him a whole list of uh repertoire that I said he could choose from it or I could do all of it because they’re all short pieces suitable for the occasion. And um and he just breezily wrote back just before I was leaving. Um Oh. Oh yes, those are excellent pieces, but we don’t need them. And um so coming back to to to what it feels like at least feels like the possibility which you could have given to to the world wasn’t wasn’t accepted that you the feeling of of being there somehow in vain and um

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and we could do more in our lives and it is not accepted. And this is it’s hard also this could be a good topic by the way you know because it happens often well also because for as you all know for me um it’s I I’ve been in a terrible depression now for over a year or two year I don’t even know how long I’ve lost track because every time I try to offer something it’s rejected and so it was so exciting for me to finally you now I can share and play and perform and do something meaningful and then even

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that didn’t work you know and and um and it’s feels even more painful because it’s one thing to to send a proposal by email and somebody says oh that’s very interesting but we we can’t use your concert or your lectures or whatever right now at least one hasn’t invested a lot of time and energy and effort into the thing it’s it’s simply a proposal in this case there I was with my vi beautiful beautiful violin. I especially brought the beautiful violin, you know. It just seemed so I don’t know. I So, um

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yeah, but I but I like the celebration. I um I I think I think uh that’s a better topic if all of you were uh just because the um that that was apart from that this whole business which was very you know frustrating upsetting the other aspects of my trip were all about celebration and um so I think that’s if we want to have a positive um and after the tragedy and grat maybe maybe that’s what we all need is uh turn to the celebration. Well, and the beauty. I love that idea of the what you were saying, Gina, in the check-in about

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um you know, how beautiful everything is. And and and Heidi, also about the flowers that that uh it’s important to we can’t live in sorrow and grief and despair and um and and life is about the positive and the negative, you know, to hold them both. So, and I think our societyy’s encouraging us to go totally down the negative path. Like you were saying, Mona, about the media. Um, the media the media is totally frustrated when there’s nothing horrible to report if it’s if it’s just happy things, you know,

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they’re going to go out of business. So, they think. So, um, I’m all for celebration. I want to connect us a little bit with the experience of not being able to give what you you could give. And I’m wondering, Gina, if is this the reason why you took on to study again to be able to to to to Yeah. In part, if I if I take that um angle, it it is because when people feel a lack of purpose, then it generally falls to depression. And a lot of the messages that society gives us is that you’re retired. So now you rest. It’s all you

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do. You don’t contribute. You’re a burden to society. You’re a burden to the health care system. Maybe a burden to your family. And and yeah, it doesn’t matter what your physical health is. Um if you have some simple purpose, um reason to get out of bed in the morning, uh that’s enough. Like that can be enough. And so not everybody thinks that way because we’ve been told um that something else would happen. I mean, there’s I think there’s the usual celebration. We stay on the topic. Um, of oh, you’re retired. Here’s your

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here’s your here’s your watch. Here’s your plaque. Um, and you’re lucky you don’t have to work anymore. You know, but you lose so much, right? You lose your your work friends. You lose your routine. Um, and but everybody paints it as if this this golden time. And it it doesn’t magically become that. it. You have to work at making it your time. And um it was really about people living much longer than they anticipated and they just didn’t know what to do with all this extra and it’s about 18 years

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for us. Um, that’s a long time when you don’t have any role model unless you had, you know, the one little lady who who 103 is still having her schnaps after dinner, you know, um, and dancing up a storm or in in Canada, we apparently have a librarian up in the north, uh, who runs the library at 103. Um, yeah, but I think Victoria, one thing I want to comment is, you know, celebrations are rarely perfect. And we we always I think we have this fairy tale expectation of how we’ve envisioned things will work out whether

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it’s a wedding or a birthday. And there’s always that funny little thing that goes wrong. And that funny little thing may be noticed by other people or not noticed by other people. But sometimes we, you know, you can catastrophize something that really doesn’t need to be. And I’m I’m not reflecting on your experience because I don’t want to minimize what you went through. Um but you know a simple simple little thing I’ll just use an example uh uh on Canada Day many years ago uh and my husband and I as part of the Canada

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Day were uh invited to meet Prince uh William and Kate in the celebration. So we were lined up for the so they could be introduced by the is it chair of the black rod? What’s his name? Bruce what’s clerk of the black rod. Anyways, um so they had our names and this guy had infiltrated who wasn’t supposed to be there, infiltrated between Bruce and I and I was I didn’t realize it till the last moment and this guy who was supposed to introduce was looking very confused and I was so upset because I wanted to be introduced as a

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couple because they’re a couple and we’re a couple and this man was in the middle and I thought this man ruined my whole day and in fact he I’d let him do it, but it wasn’t it wasn’t it was me. And you know, it didn’t interfere with Kate saying, “Oh my, what a pretty hat and dress you have.” Um, you know, if if I could have just focused on the that joyful moment versus I wanted to be introduced as a couple, not with a stranger between the two of us. So, but I’m I tend to make things in my head how I want them to be perfect and

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sometimes they’re not. But yeah, I still got introduced to Prince William and Kate. So, all worked out. It’s all about expectations. No, expectations. The Buddha would say so. I I just um read Ken Wilbur again. Yes, I did. the post-truth world, posttruth world, fake news. And he says that in I I believe already in 20 well that’s his I think he’s wrong about that but in 2050 uh about uh 70 or 80% of all the work will be done by artificial intelligence. So people will live much longer and won’t have anything to do. So what are

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they going to do? Um and of course his as you can expect from Wilbur he wants them to go inside and from the materialistic world and go to the spiritual side. But I don’t think it will work for everybody like this. when you are on another an amber or or orange uh level, you you’re not much interested in spirituality. Anyway, um living longer. Well, I’m lucky because I started going inside when after being 31. So, that’s more than 50 years now. And I’m still very glad that I did. But I was showered with grace uh unexpectedly and

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then I tried to find out what had happened. So um I do wonder how expectations prevent something to happen. So what I’m doing now is that uh when I go into a situation I I don’t expect anything. I just let it happen and face it and enjoy it. And for me this works rather even uh going down the stairs and not having an elevator. Um I use it as an exercise and yeah walking exercise. Um so not to expect a situation to be a certain way helps me at least it helps. And I also I’m just reading a book about

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Buddhism where a monk is interviewing himself as Wilbur did in one of his books because then he gets the right questions to answer if he interviews himself. And this monk uh he explained that Buddhism is just about action in the world. It’s not about an ideal that is somewhere in heaven like most of the other main religions and gods or goddesses not even about the soul and uh I find that very comforting because this is what I do now. Uh I I do a lot a lot more of meditation for the last couple of weeks even at night and I

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find it very right just right uh just sitting and being aware of what is is it’s just a great idea. Yeah. And what I was going at is that I found out that as a as children and in our younger years, we were conditioned to do and not to be. And that’s what makes a lot of a difference. And to learn just to be is what we do have been doing all our life. My husband still hasn’t given up to do. He needs a lot of things to do. But I just found out that I’m getting better at being, which is a good thing. Okay.

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Um I don’t feel like celebrating that, but it’s a good thing. Yeah. I think it’s the Buddha who said accept every expect. Yeah. My internet is slow, I guess. So I was saying for me it is quite an achievement to be able to be without being pressured to do something. So uh not easy this unquietness this uh sort of now do this and do this. Oh no I should go inside. Okay. No no I have to do this and I have to do this and I have to do this you know. So this is quite um difficult. I’m I’m very aware of it, but I’m not really

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good at it yet. I would say just sitting there and looking at my flowers on the balcony and not can do that. Just leaving them as they are, it’s it’s not easy. Yeah, it’s not. Yeah, I have um I came home to a an email. I I was off off the grid, so to speak, for um the whole I ended up staying 3 days longer than I originally planned. So, I came home to a lot of uh emails and one of them was a 10-day retreat that I had um applied to many many months ago and completely forgotten about uh based in the UK in Gaia House

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um which is in Devon. Uh anyway, long story short, it was with one of my very favorite teachers who’s American. He’s here in California. Anyway, I came home to an email that said because I was on a wait list for months and completely forgot and it said, “Oh, we have some openings and if you still would like to come um you know, please get in touch.” And I literally managed to get registered and into the retreat um one minute before the first meeting. But uh but here’s the thing. It’s a retreat on the Janna, which are the deep

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states of concentration in Buddhism. And it’s the third time I have taken this 10-day retreat. Um it’s always on Zoom because it’s uh because the main teacher is in Oakland, California and then he has two assistants who are in the UK and most and people are all over the world. So it’s on Zoom. So people are trying to follow their schedule. But it’s supposed to be, you know, in noble silence uh for 10 days only meditating only, you know, the only time you ever have out contact with the outside world is during

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the the the Dharma talks, one of which is at 3:00 in the morning for me. So I’m supposed to be watching the recordings. I’m going to the live ones. Um anyway, opo what you were just saying. It’s this um that I’m still, you know, years after I’ve started on this path fighting this battle of just being still and just even just being still, you know, and and um so I’m happy as a clam, you know, with the Dharma talks. I’m typing and typing and typing, which I’m not supposed to do. In a live retreat,

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you wouldn’t have a computer or a notepad or anything. you would just have to take it in. What you can take in and what you can’t take in is fine. You just, you know, just absorb what’s possible. But no, of course, I’m I’m I’m um writing everything down and just loving it. And then there’s a question and answer period and I have a million questions and I’m raising my hand and it’s just so fabulous. And then these hours in between the the battle to just you know look out the window sit still. Okay. Mona well

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it’s you you it’s not the second time that you mention that you are fighting a battle which means you give inner energy to what you don’t want. Oh well cut. Let it let it let it be. Well caught. Absolutely. Yeah. because I’m I’m immediately in a guilt state and then I’m paralyzed by guilt and then I and then I think, oh, should I write to them and tell them I’m, you know, I’m unworthy? But then what difference would that make? I’m already in it. Like, um, you’re right. You’re right. It’s resistance. Yeah. I’m I’m instead of

00:33:29 – 00:35:12
just being Yeah, thank you. That was that was that was worth the whole retreat. Um, yeah, it’s that striving striving. And that’s that’s the supreme irony. Striving to do nothing. The battle the battle to the battle to to sit in peace. Yeah. Touche. Thank you. Thank you. That was brilliant. I didn’t say it’s easy, but it’s just worth noticing. No, absolutely. You should have been a therapist. Yes, therapist. You are a therapist. It’s that ear for language. Hearing hearing what? Yeah. Thank you.

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And still there is a reason to celebrate because we are getting aware of all these things you know. Yeah. And it was not some 10 20 30 years ago. If you told me all these things I would say oh what is that you know? Well, that’s where for me the two tra the two traditions I mean that I’m most involved in Christianity and Buddhism are are really dovetail beautifully. This idea that actually it’s the difficulties in life and the suffering. I mean, it’s in every spiritual tradition, I’m sure, but um but just

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yesterday, my one of sort of I consider my son um my daughter’s best friend from childhood uh had I hadn’t heard from him for a long time, and I wanted to get in touch with him now that I’m back. And turns out everything that could go wrong went wrong. His his uh he’s been very very ill. It turns out it was mold in the apartment and the landlord moved them into another apartment. Um, but they’re still very sick. He and his mother. U a young kid whipped around a corner and totaled their car. They don’t have a car

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now. So now his mother can’t get to work. He can’t get to work. His hand, he’s a chist and a pianist. His hand was so bruised cuz he was driving from the impact trying to avoid this kid hitting him that he can’t play now. Um, and just one one thing after another after another. And that my heart was just breaking because already he struggles with profound depression and a lot of psychological issues. And um and then I remember that just this yesterday morning the second reading in the mass was was St. Paul talking about how

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affliction produces endurance which produces patience which produces virtue, you know, and this whole list. Um and and we had just been talking about the same thing in the Buddhist sutras a few hours earlier. So it was all conflating. And so I um I sent him a text with all the you know writing that down so that he would realize um even in all this suffering and all these problems which are overwhelming for him. Um, I mean, I think they’d be overwhelming for anybody, but especially someone who’s depressed and has trouble,

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you know, mobilizing. Um, I just felt compelled to sort of put a positive spin on it for him that that um, oh, this is this is an opportunity. And he’s he’s very spiritual, so I know he wasn’t taking it, you know, he wouldn’t take it a miss. I think he he um I’m sure he he took it the way it was meant in love, but um but realizing even at my reunion the uh there was a big survey conducted uh I don’t know how many people filled it out but quite a few at least 500 people filled it out and it was very

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very long and very exhaustive and exhausting and then at the reunion they presented the results in a very entertaining way with lots humor and powerpoints and stuff. But what struck me I realized at the end of it basically my classmates are like just giant teenagers now old giant wealthy teenagers that it’s all about he it’s the hedenism is and and sure enough the final event of the reunion um there was a dinner dance and they hired a DJ to play all the songs from like I don’t know the ‘ 70s. I didn’t

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recognize any of them. So, I thought, okay, I was an outcast then. I’m an outcast still. Um, when they sent out a request, a form, you know, you could write what what songs would you like to hear at the dinner dance? And I wrote, you know, Glenn Miller, Benny Goodman, and she wrote back and she said, “Victoria, that’s before our time.” I said, “Those are ageless. Those are eternal.” Anyway, there was needless to say, none of that. But um realizing in this survey the the priorities were are you wealthier than your parents were at

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your age? Are you wealthier than you know have you achieved your financial expectations? Do do you have a second home for vacations? Um on and on and on. And I only realized at the end of the whole thing and thinking back to when I filled out the survey how painful it was for me, there was no mention of loss. And these are people, you know, I’m 66 years old. Many of us have lost our parents by now and um and other loved ones you know and I lost my husband which of course is totally unusual but um I mean for my age but there was no

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mention of it at all any kind of loss even the death of a cat you know I mean it’s just it’s interesting this focus was turning away from any kind of suffering or um there was no mention of the spiritual at all like have you you in any way, shape or form. I mean even trivial questions about you know even do you go to a church or a temple or do you meditate or nothing and so that was for me very significant to realize and and in this the retreat I’m in right now um the main teacher who’s the reason I joined the retreat um

00:40:06 – 00:41:33
Lee Brazington he’s an American but he studied he was the most ardent disciple of a Buddhist nun named who took the name and oh okay Mona Nazar and she was German and um it’s very I I just love I mean of course I didn’t get to experience her but but through him because he was her her greatest disciple and he he was you know authorized to teach her her teachings um and just just at the beginning of the retreat he said you know famously said we think our senses are an amusement park and we we live our lives with this idea that just

00:40:50 – 00:42:16
every everything should be pleasant and enjoyable and you know it’s the whole greed thing of Buddhism but um but I I’ve been thinking about that a lot and thinking back to that reunion that yes it was very joyful in the way and it was celebratory oper celebration um you know it was wonderful in many ways but but it was strangely superficial And in that whole trip, the the most significant experiences I had were that for the first time I met um three three of the my uh Dharma buddies from Zoom. It would be like meeting you in

00:41:33 – 00:42:39
person. There there were three of them that live in the Boston area. And so before I even left San Diego, I reached out and I said, “I’m coming to Boston. There’s any way we can meet in person.” And I even got to go to the meditation center that I see on Zoom maybe three or four or five times a week. Um I got to go there in person and be part of a class. And it and the joy it was like meeting my siblings. Well, not my my real siblings, the opposite. Um it was so joyful and so beautiful and so profound and I thought there it is. Like

00:42:06 – 00:43:09
I saw some of my best friends that I’ve known since I was 18 years old at the reunion. It was totally superficial. It was nice. Nice to see that, you know, they don’t look as haggarded and ancient as I thought they would or whatever. You know, it’s trivial. It was nice enough. But meeting these Buddhist friends whom I’d never seen in the flesh at all and never done anything more than share gratitudes, but every day sharing three gratitudes. It’s amazing how intimate that is. And and it just brought me to

00:42:37 – 00:43:49
tears again and again. this this uh sense of and I know it would be like that if I met you in person. It’s because the relationship is founded on the spiritual on being and who we are and what we you know the path that we’re on and what we believe in and that’s worth everything else. The other things are just details. So anyway, I didn’t mean to talk so long, but um but I but that was that was I think my biggest the most profound takeaway from that whole trip that that’s what really matters in life and

00:43:14 – 00:44:38
um the rest is just yeah if like you said Mo just if you just sit and look at your flowers like that’s enough or or Heidi your flowers or or Gina looking at the at the ocean and um or your you know the garden or whatever. It’s but it’s hard because there’s so much resistance in our this society wants us to do and do and do. I’m going to mute myself in case I say anything. Well, Victoria, I’m struck once again by um you know, it I think celebrations we have to accept that even when we’re celebrating 60 years of marriage for

00:44:04 – 00:45:12
you, Mona, Bruce and I will be celebrating 40. Would we say that every single day was a beautiful sunny day? No. But there’s more sunny days for now. Um but I think that’s the interesting contrast. So now I’m now I’m just going to get all weird on you and say, “Oh, so the whole purpose was not playing for Harvard. It was to meet your friends in person. It wasn’t had nothing to do with Harvard. That was just a vessel. It was just a segue. And you got you got so much more out of it. But also, I think

00:44:38 – 00:45:52
your observations on the questions and the culture and was I part of this? Am I do I want to be part of this?” That’s a pretty profound experience, too. So, I’m I’m sorry about the disappointment, but on the other hand, I’m I’m celebrating with you uh for what you came away with it. And maybe that was exactly the primary you needed to do this retreat. And somehow it all seems that magically it’s weaving its way as it should. Yeah. So absolutely that’s the jokes of the angels as my late husband said and

00:45:15 – 00:46:24
just I’m sorry I said I wasn’t going to say anything more but um just this morning just before I saw you um I was at the lake and there was there were there only like 15 minutes to be at the lake before we were going to mass and it almost seemed like a waste of time but we went anyway and the cosmic reason because usually I go there for exercise for walking but because of my heel I can’t walk right now There was a pigeon that had gotten its foot caught on a fishing line and it was and in its desperation to get rid of the fishing

00:45:50 – 00:46:51
line, it had gone around and around and around and around its foot, which I didn’t see till later. Um, and my friend and I were trying to figure out a way to help it, but of course it was caught. So when we when we tried to hold the line, it pushed against it and was like it was like flying a kite, but it was it anyway. And I was scared it was going to break a wing. It was so desperate. And so anyway, long story short, we found a fisherman who was fishing because we we needed to find something to cut the the

00:46:19 – 00:47:40
fishing line. And um he he caught the bird and he cut the fishing line, but then it was a million turns around its little leg, this tiny little like a toothpick. And um so it took three of us to save this bird. And I was the one that was finally in charge of getting it getting the the line untangled. And I thought back to how many necklaces, how many chains I had to get knots out of as a child of necklaces. Anyway, I so the bird I managed to get it, you know, it took quite a while, but I managed to

00:47:00 – 00:48:13
get the line undone and and the bird flew away and it was the most beautiful I it’s just like the most beautiful experience. And then just as you said, Gina, um I realized, oh, that all of this was for that like I this sudden spontaneous thing just to go for five minutes to the lake for no apparent reason. You I can’t exercise. There’s nothing to do. And um but that bird would probably be dead now or not maybe not now but um anyway it was so beautiful again. Exactly. Like that was the reason and that’s the the joke of

00:47:36 – 00:48:41
the angels thing. Um that you can’t always see the cosmic purpose behind what’s going to happen. But if you’re open to it like like my late husband I said he said he said look for the miracles every day. Look for the miracles. They’re there. They’re always there. You just have to see them. Okay. I know I talked again too much, but um I’m glad I got to share the pigeon story. It was very it was very beautiful. Look for the miracles. This is I think this is a good ending uh in our lives. Looking for the miracles.

00:48:09 – 00:50:43
That would be the a pathway to follow in my opinion and this would be my check out and I give over to you. Well, my check out is that as Victoria mentioned that that we are all so much interconnected. So why should we worry? and Iran and Gaza right now. Um, it will untangle itself somehow. That’s what I’m hoping. And uh one of the chapters in uh Wilbur’s book about Trump is that evolution corrects itself by having Trump do what he does in amber or blue we call it formally and red and notistic and maybe green will finally find out

00:49:37 – 00:51:15
what it needs to do to be the leading edge of consciousness again world centric and yeah I wonder what will think because this was this book was written before the second election of Trump so it takes a long time to seep in is my opinion all right thank you it was quite Yeah, I’m I’ve never been to a Zoom retreat. I’m wondering. Yeah, I’m right now also reading uh Saltsburg. She is connected with Cornfield and so it’s the whole Jewish community that converted to Buddhism and they are the best uh in telling what

00:50:29 – 00:52:15
it’s all about. and hers is about the meta meditation. So joy and and and peace and love. So this is all what Yeah. My husband said Buddhists don’t uh what is it? Signnan. Heidi Signnan. Unmute yourself. Singan. No. Znan. Bless. Bless. Bless. Buddhists don’t bless. That’s so true. Buddhists bless all the time. Oh, that’s what meta is. Yeah. Yeah. So, I bless you all and wish you a wonderful month. Yeah. Thank you, Mona. Which book are you reading by Sharon Salsburg right now? Meta Meditation. Oh, the Meta Meditation.

00:51:24 – 00:52:45
Okay. Yeah. I I’ve done a number of courses with her. She’s great. She’s very um she’s very I don’t know what the word I was gonna say Zach. She’s she’s very level. Uh well, she was ch I guess she’s bodily challenged a lot with her thyroid glands and so she really knows what suffering in the body means and Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She’s she’s I I really like her because she’s so grounded. She’s very grounded. Um okay. I I’ve talked way too much. I just want to say um how uh happy I am to see you all again and I’m very touched

00:52:04 – 00:53:18
that you um I’m very touched that you when I was still coming up the hill. I heard Mona say I want to know how it went for Victoria. I just I just love all of you and I I’m really grateful for you and I know now having met met some of these Zoom figments in in three dimensions in the flesh how um we really are interconnected and so I hope someday I can meet all of you in person. So thank you and thank you Mona for the battle uh for calling me out on that. That’s going to be my meditation for the

00:52:42 – 00:53:41
day. Thank I’m gonna be really brief because I’m meeting with my supervisors at 10 and I’m in charge of the meeting. So, uh, thank you. Uh, I think it was beautiful. I appreciated this time and, uh, I’m going to keep focusing on my my flow. We’ll see you in a couple weeks. Bye. Keep singing. Keep singing, Heidi. Okay. Bye-bye.