Family

Transition times for all of us?

This video captures a group conversation among women connected by the series Women Matters, focusing primarily on personal check-ins, reflections on family relationships, marriage, and therapy. The discussion also touches on themes of aging, health, time perception, and the challenges of maintaining family bonds across distances.

The conversations took place in May, 2026

Summary and Highlights

### Summary of Video Content: Women Matters Biweekly Check-In and Family Dynamics Discussion

This video captures a group conversation among women connected by the series **Women Matters**, focusing primarily on personal check-ins, reflections on family relationships, marriage, and therapy. The discussion also touches on themes of aging, health, time perception, and the challenges of maintaining family bonds across distances.

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### Timeline of Key Events and Themes Discussed

| Time Frame | Topic / Event | Key Details |
|———————|————————————————————-|————————————————————————————————————-|
| 00:00:03 – 00:03:08 | Personal check-ins – Gertrat (Frankfurt, Germany) | Celebrates 29 years of marriage, 40 years together; approaching her 70th birthday; issues with hips & lymphoma |
| 00:03:40 – 00:06:05 | Physical health update & family visits (Gina, British Columbia) | Osteopathy treatment; energetic young visitor (Marcus); weather & visitors arriving from England |
| 00:06:05 – 00:08:38 | Musical interests & family milestone (Christine, California) | Helping with husband’s conference; learning music production; daughter becoming an air traffic controller |
| 00:08:38 – 00:12:00 | Family celebration reflections (Victoria, California) | Attended an 85th birthday party for a friend, reflecting on the beauty of functional family dynamics |
| 00:11:46 – 00:18:00 | Family dynamics & therapy discussion | Insights on sibling roles, family reconciliation, grudges, and learning to live with others |
| 00:18:47 – 00:26:15 | Personal family history & therapy experience (Gertrat) | Large sibling group with trauma; boarding school experiences; therapy vital in breaking cycle of dysfunction |
| 00:26:15 – 00:31:05 | Anticipation of family gathering | Expectations of togetherness over specific activities; gratitude for family support during illness |
| 00:31:05 – 00:36:59 | Multiple marriages and relationship growth | Fourth marriage with different energy and dynamics; balancing partnership through conscious effort |
| 00:39:00 – 00:44:54 | Relationship challenges and family connectivity | Partner’s background, children dynamics, grieving parents, and sibling contact described |
| 00:44:54 – 00:54:00 | Reflections on distance and family maintenance | Challenges of long-distance family connections; regrets and reflections on moving away |
| 00:54:00 – 00:54:52 | Upcoming events & closing | Upcoming conference and good wishes shared |

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### Key Insights and Themes

– **Family and Relationship Dynamics:**
– Family relationships evolve over time, influenced by sibling birth order, personalities, marriages, and in-law issues.
– Maintaining harmony and forgiveness is challenging but essential; grudges can deeply fracture family connection.
– Adult siblings often revert to childlike roles when gathered under one roof, amplifying old dynamics.
– Families vary from deeply connected and functional to fractured or distant; multi-generational continuity influences emotional health.

– **Therapy and Personal Development:**
– Therapy is viewed as critical for healing family trauma and improving personal well-being.
– Gertrat shared her personal journey including challenges of growing up in a strict household with boarding school separation and trauma experiences.
– Therapy and personal growth efforts have enabled healthier parenting and relationships.

– **Marital Relationships:**
– Heidi discusses the complexity of her fourth marriage, highlighting the importance of **”counterbalance” dynamics**, conscious relationship work, and laughter as tools for navigating conflict.
– Age differences and astrological insights (both partners Libra) are noted as factors influencing relationship energy and balance.
– Highlights the journey from unconscious youthful marriages to more conscious mature partnerships.

– **Impact of Geography and Distance:**
– Moving away from family (cross-country, international) deeply affects relationships with siblings, nieces, nephews, and parents.
– Distance poses practical and emotional barriers but doesn’t always sever ties; technology and visits partially mitigate.
– Some participants reflected with mild regret on how geographical separation altered family closeness.

– **Perception of Time:**
– An idea raised that time feels condensed and days blur, especially with health challenges and busy schedules.
– This reflects the common experience of accelerated time perception in mid to later adulthood.

– **Health and Life Milestones:**
– Multiple references to aging, birthdays, health issues (hip problems, lymphoma), and family caregiving.
– Support from extended family during medical treatments is greatly appreciated and emotionally impactful.

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### Participant Profiles and Contributions

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### Concepts and Definitions

| Term | Description |
|———————|————————————————————————————————-|
| **Sibling Power Dynamics** | Patterns of dominance and roles developed during childhood that influence adult family interactions. |
| **Therapy Training: Health Practitioner for Psychotherapy** | German credential different from medical doctors, focused on psychotherapeutic care. |
| **Counterbalance in Relationships** | The dynamic where partners provide differing energies or perspectives that create growth opportunities. |
| **Astrological Libra** | Zodiac sign characterized by focus on harmony, balance, and relationship dynamics. |
| **Karmic Relationship** | A relationship believed (in astrology) to have spiritual lessons or unresolved past-life connections. |

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### Summary of Quantitative and Factual Data

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### Key Takeaways

– **Strong family support** is treasured and deeply impacts emotional well-being, especially during illness and aging.
– **Therapy and conscious reflection** are vital tools for managing complex family and personal histories.
– **Relationships evolve**, with each marriage and partnership requiring different skills, particularly in mature age.
– **Distance and time influence family dynamics**, creating both challenges and opportunities for maintaining connection.
– **Humor and patience** are essential coping mechanisms in long-term relationships and family navigation.
– The group reflects a rich tapestry of experiences showing **vulnerability, resilience, and hope** in family and personal growth.

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This summary is based entirely on the provided video transcript content and does not infer or add information beyond presented dialogue.

Transcript

00:00:03
We are as always every two weeks women matters. Today we’re in five at the moment. It is the beginning of May. Oh no, it’s not really beginning of May. It’s already half through. Time is running. It’s It’s crazy. We could talk about time perception. I mean it’s seems to be really running. Anyway, um we will find out what we were will be talking about and do the check in. Get last but not least, uh would you like to start? I mean, last >> Hello, I’m Gatra in Frankfurt, north of

00:00:44
Frankfurt in Germany. And um I had a nice weekend. This is um May 16ths and 17s are our annual reminders. Um 29 years of marriage and 40 years of being together on Sunday. So we didn’t do much, but it was nice. And um next week I’m going to be 70 and my girls have invited us uh this close to the to the sea and um so almost all of my family siblings and kids with we say men and mouse men and mice uh are coming and um so on Wednesday we’re traveling. So I’m It’s pretty exciting. It It feels like rich

00:01:55
and full and happy and yeah. So though my hips are still not so good. Not one the right one, but uh yeah. And um the lymphoma is not going to disappear just like that. So uh but we are happy to have each other and that it’s that good. Yep. So I’m I’m I’m Yeah. This is the time I love May. May is my favorite months of the year. So that’s yeah and talking about therapy I could do that I have a body therapy training and some other stuff and I don’t know if it exists in another country we have

00:02:55
this um health practitioner for psychotherapy so it’s so you have the the ones that are more like a doctor and I have that exam that’s more like a psychotherapist. So, and some other stuff. So, I’m I’m open to talk about that and anywhere that you come up with. Yeah, >> we will do that as soon as Glorian is here. Either she comes still today or we will do it another time. >> Interesting. To whom do you give over? >> To to you. >> To me. Okay. Yeah, checking in. I’m

00:03:40
still working with my shoulders. I’m just been with my osteopath friend and she did a nice treatment and that was good. And Marcus is here for almost two weeks now. It’s a hot ride, a real challenge because he is so full of energy and I said, “Oh, wait, wait, slow, slow. So he has already cleaned everything the room he will have and put all his stuff in and you know and I feel a little bit like a little bit slower. Yesterday and today it was a little bit slower. So I hope he finds enough to to get his energy out

00:04:28
here in the countryside. And actually he does. Now he is going gone to a a film in English to a movie. We have here sometimes every two or 3 weeks they do in mother tongue m movies and most of them is in English about Michael Jackson and he was very excited to to see that >> and I’m with you and that’s fine. H yeah then I give over to to Gina. Good morning all. Gina coming to you from beautiful British Columbia, Victoria. We are having a beautiful day. We had a bit of a gray cold week, so we

00:05:07
were all in a bit of shock, but uh we should be settling into our drought now. Uh except on the island. So further up the island, it does still rain. And my brother and sister-in-law are arriving from England today to stay with us for or to be with us for a week. And uh it appears that when we leave the the concave of uh Victoria, we may be greeted by wonderful water and rain and on the west coast of Long Beach Tofino, which is the most amazing beach. It’s so wide and so long. Um so we’re looking

00:05:36
forward to spending some time in nature and other than that, school’s going well. Interviews, transcriptions, all good. I’ll hand it over to you, Christine. >> I’m Christine in Carlsbad, California. Gez, I was just thinking what what can I say about my check and everything’s going well. Um Tom and I Tom’s especially busy with the icon conference that starts on the 28th of the month. Um and I help him with little tasks here and there. Today I have to contact the uh hotel person um about the food and

00:06:15
get a menu squared away and order the food. So, I’m doing little things like that to take stuff off his plate. And um yeah, I’m not sure what else. Uh that about it. Exercising, cooking, playing piano. I decided I want to learn how to do a little music production. Um, I think the easiest way for me, the easiest on-ramp for me will be GarageBand, which is an Apple product that loads on your computer if you have a Mac. And so, it’s already there. Um, I just have to find somebody or a course

00:06:56
online to help me learn it because I’ve gone into the program and it’s baffling. I can’t even begin to figure out what the heck’s going on. Um, so, but that’ll that’ll be a good challenge. I’m not in any rush to have to get to the finish line. So, I’ll just take my time with that. And I wrote a song. Uh the reason I’m doing it now is I wrote a song. I’ve written a few songs. That’s my piano teacher encourages me to do that. And I wrote a song about taking driving

00:07:27
Alexis, our younger daughter, to her new career. And she’s in air traffic. She’s going to be an air traffic controller. I don’t even know if I me I think I mentioned that probably. Um so she and I drove halfway across the country to drop her off in Oklahoma where she’s beginning her training and she’s there now. So I wrote a song about saying goodbye and the name of the song is the good goodbye. So I finished it. I want to now produce it a little bit. And that isn’t that doesn’t mean I want it to go out

00:08:04
into the world necessarily, but I want it to be more of a song rather than just me singing and a piano. I would like to add some percussion and maybe add some things to make it a little bit more interesting. So that’s me. Um, and Victoria, are you here to jump in? I will turn over to you. Yeah, thanks Christine. Um, yeah, I’m in the car, so I didn’t want to have be on video because it’s very uh makes people seasick. Um, so I’m just sorry, I’m I’m just in arriving. I’m in San Diego,

00:08:40
California. Um, and well, La Mesa technically and just coming home from something, so I’m adjusting. Um, I guess that a nice uh segue to Gertrat’s check-in is that um yesterday was the 85th birthday celebration. Wasn’t actually her birthday, but her birthday was a month ago, but um of a very dear friend who’s um she’s German and so uh being 85, she you know was born during the war and came over here. Uh she she met her American husband um in Kuron Cologne. Sorry, I keep forgetting where

00:09:25
in women matters, not the other one. Um anyway, it was a beautiful celebration. People came from all over the world. She has four beautiful children and she um thinking back to the um to wait, I’m going to try to put myself on video now. Sorry, I’m going to I’m going to change over to my computer in a minute. Maybe maybe I should stop the check-in for now because it’s too disruptive. Um but anyway, the upshot was it was it was she made um flower blooming cren for her I don’t know what they call it garlands

00:09:57
for her her granddaughters. She has these beautiful granddaughters and I I don’t know the whole it was just one of those magical experiences that you remember um just and she talked she gave a little talk about her whole life and um the 85 years and her children talked about her and they made up songs. Speaking of songs, they wrote songs about their mother. Um, which are really funny and perfect for a kind of like a roast kind of thing. Um, anyway, it’s just a really beautiful experience and I

00:10:27
felt really privileged to be there because it was so nice to see a fully functional family. Um, my family’s uh my family was functional when I was little and then it everything fell apart and it’s I don’t have family anymore. So, it was really special just to witness that and be part of it and feel like, you know, there’s the there’s there’s there are beautiful people out there. And Garrett, that sounds like your family’s like that. So, I I uh congratulate you and and that’s so wonderful. You’re

00:10:57
going to have that celebration. I’m going to log off now and log back on my computer in a second. So, please let me in, Heidi. See you in a minute. Thanks. >> Okay. We could talk as Lorine I don’t see her um instead of the therapy topic about um family for instance the importance of family or non-importance depends you know what what do we have we experienced in family and what we are still experiencing and what we would like to to had with with the family something like that who who who feels drawn to the topic.

00:11:46
>> I I I think it’s a great topic because we’ll we’ll talk about maybe the reasons you do need therapy. Um uh I think families are fascinating uh particularly um as people mature and people change and I’d say come one of the things I notice is uh whether the original sibling power dynamics maintains and whether it’s it’s reasserted uh as adults when the adults get together again um or whether they fall into the natural order and when children who are adults become children again cuz they’re

00:12:23
in the family home and uh meeting other families and integrating them into your family when marriages happen. I think it’s uh it’s really interesting dynamics and what I would compare it to is the the dynamics of getting along. I mean ideally right and one of the things that keeps coming up in my research is for the people who live in uh older adult residents is most these people are like 85 and older. They said the big learning they had was learning to live with others because even though they’re not

00:12:57
in the same room, they’re having activities and meals together and and so maybe about learning to be in relationships even with people that may be trying you at times. So I think there’s endless possibilities on this one. And I I’ll say that I’m the firstborn of a firstborn of a firstborn of a firstborn. And you know, maybe I fall into the category of um being the always the matriarch. So big sister and matriarch. So that’s my confession. Well, I recently got together with family. Um Tom and I went to the East

00:13:41
Coast to get together with older cousins. And so I think my oldest cousin is 80, maybe 82, somewhere around there. And I’m the youngest. So I’m 70. So a bunch of us in the range and and we spent uh my brother, sister, and I got together and decided we wanted to do this to visit our cousins. And we went to two different places. And it, you know, there it’s interesting. And I didn’t notice a lot of dynamics. And I think in some ways I was more the bossy one and and bossy not in terms of demanding what

00:14:17
we do or but I think I had more energy or um I was the one helping to put together what we were doing and where we were going and that kind of thing. So I I found that interesting because really the older people should have been in charge. But I think it’s also just a phase of life. I think I just had more energy to do that and they were more content to kind of be led. Um, but my brother, the oldest in our family, it’s a brother, sister, and me. And um, he he never was very um, doineering at all. So when we get

00:14:57
together, he doesn’t have a big agenda. He never did. Um, and my sister likewise. So, we don’t have a lot of fraught dynamics. The fraught dynamics usually come in with in-laws. That’s where the fraught dynamics can come in. And the one thing I would say um the most heartbreaking thing for me is when there’s arangement in in a family, you know, the the inner circle of a family. Now, I’m not talking about, you know, not seeing your distant cousin, you know, for decades. It’s not

00:15:33
like that. But you know, parents and and children, siblings and each other, those people where you would like to see some closeness and support and resilience. Um, you know, some people just choose to hold a grudge basically, to not forgive, to not move on, to stay stuck. So to me that’s, you know, one of the f saddest things about family dynamics. So that’s it for me right now. I was just talking with a friend who has a big problem with a in-law mother for for years for decades you can

00:16:27
say and I know her also for a long time and I witnessed when her long divorced husband died she never she didn’t wasn’t interested at at all. She would never have talked with him again. And now I also heard that with her daughter, she doesn’t talk for for years and years. I mean, I don’t have a huge strong relationship with my siblings, but not to talk with each other. That’s so far from me. That’s what is that? I mean this woman now is I don’t know 80 88 or something. I mean when is it that

00:17:14
you can let go of the grudges you have on someone if they are um justified or not? It doesn’t matter. I mean you know it was really really strange to me. It’s it’s completely out of my mindset that something like this can happen. I always as maybe because I’m a Libra I would like to create um a harmony and at least not these I mean I have other situations where I tried to to to connect again and then it didn’t happen okay but I always would not always but you shouldn’t generalize so much

00:17:56
but uh my intention is to try to to come at least together in a normal way. I mean even for instance my first husband at long time I married when I was 19 and after many many years I went came to Berlin and we met again and sort of closed the circle in some way you know and I think it is important to to do these things and I would do that also with friends as far as it is possible and with family even more so that’s my take on Well, I’ve been Oh, go ahead. >> Go ahead. >> Grow, go first and then Victoria.

00:18:47
>> Okay. I’m in the middle of seven children. My mother gave birth to eight but he was after six weeks he he was got he died he had um um discs missing in his so spina beify I don’t know if you know that so there was an infection and at that time at 50 1950 there was no cure no possibility So we knew that and if you do cons consolation you know that this has an effect on the family. Um but we never came to know him. So I had an elder brother, an elder sister, and uh a younger sister and three younger

00:19:46
brothers. And um this there was not so much a power dynamic because when I was 10, I was sent to a boarding school. My my sister was there for 3 years already and the other one came al so the the boys stayed at home and my eldest was sick. So it’s kind of there was a lot of should so Catholic very like moralistic and very like children should behave in a certain way. Um but the siblings among each other didn’t have much really contact or sibling like qualities. Only my two youngest brothers

00:20:46
because the other one died in a in a motor accident when he was 16. And um so I think there was a lot uh the war was there like my father was in in what do you call it prisoner of war for several years with the Americans. So he was not so fond of American uh at least not of corn and things like that because they got it every day. Um, yeah, it’s it’s kind of um and abuse and things like that. So, so um I think my mother wanted to protect the girls to send them to the boarding school and um but it was 500 kilometers away

00:21:48
from home. So, we didn’t even have much contact with our parents three times a year. And uh yeah, so talking about therapy, I needed quite some sessions too. Yeah, I feel I’m I’m more on the healthier side of the family than the rest. So I have a cycling sister and my brother was I don’t know he got six different diagnosis. Maybe he had uh as I don’t know. So, and he died of the aftermath of his medication. >> So, how many siblings do you have left for >> at the moment?

00:22:40
um two brothers and two sisters, but I don’t have contact with my sister, the cycling sister, because uh it’s um yeah, there’s my brother lives rather nearby and he says it’s it’s kind of he cannot bear the con conversations she’s so in this more on the depressive side and um yeah so yeah this this was a dynamic and and when we came back from the from the boarding school a non nuns boarding school when we came back my mother had the expectation that uh we call them higher daughters so like well educated

00:23:33
well um brought up well u mannered things like that. And so we had so many fights when I was 16. So it was Yeah. and and like after a lot of therapy, after therapy training, after all kinds of personal development things, um yeah, I started I started um therapy after my first marriage broke down and I had a three-year-old and so I I kind of said, I don’t want to have that. I I really want to have an intact family and um I’m pretty happy and proud. We didn’t have much vacation money or anything and I spent a lot on

00:24:33
my personal development but in look in the hindsight I think they got more me being a better parent out of this than having luxurious vacations or presents or things like that. So, and I talked to them and said, “Uh, I’m sorry that I couldn’t give you the the luxurious stuff that many other parents do.” And they were really like very understanding and said, “No, we rather have you as as you are now than a broken mother with more money to spend. But this was um yeah, there were some

00:25:27
tough times in between. Yeah. >> So, I’m I’m curious. Are you prepared to reminisce a little bit on this birthday weekend memories shared and things that everybody’s probably going to remember like one event everybody may have a different take on what actually happened and and what do you what would you like from this family gathering what would be >> there’s not much >> it’s not it’s not that I have any expect my my sister has planned it all what they want to cook, what they Yeah.

00:26:09
What? And I said, “I’m fine. I’m happy to come.” Um, I think it’s more the being together. It’s not so much any specific things, maybe some games. Uh, yeah. So, board games or >> I guess I’m asking what and we have >> What experience do you want from it? What would you when you come away from that, what would you like to take with you? So, we will have seven young children would be very busy. So, so it’s it’s kind I’m expecting to be a little bit

00:26:57
exhausted from so many people for four days, but like you know like this full fullness. So like, wow, I’m I’m so happy. And um yeah, I got that feeling when when my husband was sick and they came after he was transferred to another hospital where where he got chemo and and stuff. They were all there from I mean these are seven hours from here and four and a half from there. They all came to support me and him and we put everybody every all the children in a playground and the adult were uh

00:27:49
guarding them. And then one by one we visited him and uh yeah buying a mattress and just being there just supporting and being there and and the kids uh have WhatsApp calls with their uh grandfather and happy to tease each other and things like that. So um I guess it’s more more this being together not so much like uh any formal thing this just sitting there getting tears in my eyes and thinking wow what fortunate am I with that family yeah and I haven’t seen my brother for five years now. The youngest might not

00:28:47
come. He is the one who’s doesn’t talk. There’s no We don’t have have any problems with each other, but he’s just disappeared. And the other one has small kids and age of 60 62. Um but I haven’t seen because he had a lymphoma right before the birth of his eldest and um so and then corona came and yeah and then my husband got sick. So, so we haven’t seen each other for a long time and and that’s so I’m so happy to to see him see him happy. Yeah. So, I don’t know. It’s it’s just

00:29:45
something like I must have done something right or we must have done something right that they turned out this way as mothers as yeah our daughters that’s long but yeah >> so Victoria now Oh, I I I don’t remember what I was going to say. So, go ahead. I guess I would comment that uh you know lasting relationships and what does it take to to have that and um I think divorce is interesting because how can you go from being so madly in love with someone to despising them sometimes. But

00:30:50
I find marriage very fascinating and that you are learning to live with each other and getting through the good times and the bad. And you know, Gart, I think one of the things I discovered early was when my mother-in-law, when I first met her, lifeful woman said, “I made so many mistakes as a mother.” And I’m like, “Well, the boys turned out perfect.” You know, so um I think we’re always looking at ourselves or to say, “Oh, I should have never got mad that day or I’m glad I did this happy thing.”

00:31:19
But, you know, or whatever. I think it’s I think it’s learning to accept ourselves um as imperfect. Uh trying to build something that is beautiful, but it isn’t always an easy path. Yeah. How come we remember our mistakes much more clearly than we remember our successes? Yeah. But my daughter’s at least says I say, “Oh, Trish, I’m so sorry about that one time.” She, “Mommy, mommy, it’s all right. We’re fine.” I’m like, “Yeah, but I catastrophize something, which was

00:31:57
really just a fleeting moment.” And maybe that’s how we end up being silenced and broken as we take something that is really just part of being human and put too much attention to it. And instead of just acknowledging that we’re all human, we all we’re all stupid. We all make mistakes, but we also probably have something really positive to offer, too. So try to create that balance with ourselves and with each other. I think we’re losing Heidi. can’t hear you. I’m a little bit um like this still from

00:32:57
the treatment before it was so relaxations. Uh I’m and then I did an an error. I took instead of taking um what did I want to take folic acid before as an supplement I took melanonina and that has sort of dimming me down even a little bit more so I’m not very um how do you say prickling today and a little bit of thoughts which are slow let’s say in this Okay. >> Mhm. But you were talking about marriage. No. And I’m confronting this topic. Yeah. now in two weeks and um it is very

00:33:46
interesting because it’s my fourth marriage and twice I was divorced and um the other one you know that Mark died and now all four people are so different and it’s now really um a huge challenge because finally I have a person who is uh conscious enough to to to see what is going on. Maybe not always because you know in in in arguments or something then you go into emotions and blah blah blah but uh conscious enough and good totally good willing to to create a relationship and a a good relationship

00:34:34
and uh figure we both need to figure out how to I’m to let’s say in this way with Mark when he came he was adapting to me all the time and when I asked him uh what do you want at the end I was uh dominant because I have a dominant uh vin let’s say but also because there came no counterpart let’s say no and I inspired him for instance for the for the conference no when he went there and did the big constellation and so on this was because I encourage encouraged him to do this and finally he did. And now I have

00:35:20
a partner who is, you know, and I I have to figure out how how I uh handle this. I have a real counter, how do you say counter um to push myself against somebody and he’s pushing back. So uh we there is an exercise by the way leaning against each other you know and physical exercise and find the equilibrium we did lately these things so it’s exciting to to have a different relationship this time because in my when I was first married I was 19 and he was much older and unconscious totally me too. So the second one was a

00:36:09
borderliner and there was a a huge um challenge but I got out of it before I was convinced that I’m the crazy one because he tried to do that and uh then Mark who didn’t give me the the counter where to how can I say how where I can the the friction the right friction to grow let’s say because when you need to do it all on yourself and the other is following. Yeah, there’s not the challenge. Let’s say not enough challenge. And now I got the challenge. Maybe at the moment a little bit too much because it is so

00:36:49
quick. So like an u how do you say an explosion and uh I’m really curious how that will go on. And I think I mean we we need to marry as I had to do it with Mark to be that he is able to stay here. No, this is this weird thing. Maybe we wouldn’t have decided if it was not like this. But I find it good and we agreed on it because it um keeps you on the task of uh growing together. you know, when you still have the back door open, I could also disappear because it’s too two too something. So, we won’t have that. And

00:37:32
I’m looking forward. It’s uh interesting and exciting, right? Not always um easy. And I was with astrological uh previews and they said this is a karmic relationship. It won’t be you have to figure out something which from previous lives is is left and and it is not a totally you know a feeling good relationship but it has a task to to to be to be gone through and it has already begun. I mean it has begun before but now before we met twice a day an hour or so on video more or less or when we met

00:38:18
each other in person it was for short not so many days and now he is arrived in a new place and I have to let go of many things and this is a challenge but I’m I think it’s it’s What I love is that you’re laughing through all this and I think uh one of the things that uh we we came to do cuz my husband has a really good sense of humor um is that when we had really stressful moves and you know things were really getting tense, we just like found a way to laugh. >> Yeah. And and so even so we could laugh

00:39:00
about the conflict rather than building the conflict or the tension like acknowledge the tension and just like I think I love that you use the word comics and like at any point when you read those moments you step back a bit and have a laugh about it and observe it and then it just becomes something else you know I think it’s I think it’s hilarious and I think in terms of that energet energetic energetic energetic bunny whatever it is um I think vitality. He’s got he’s got to pour a

00:39:29
little of his vitality into your cup and I think it’s probably going to do great things. So, I’m I’m looking forward to it. I’m looking forward to your marriage >> and I would be looking forward for you to come for the I mean not to Denmark where we will do the marriage the legal marriage but here to our 28th of June. >> Yeah. >> Heidi, what what is the age difference between you and Marcus? nine years. >> Oh, okay. So, not very much. Yeah. >> Oh, >> I was just I was just curious because

00:40:03
that that that can be um with with this whole thing of the counterbalance. I was thinking about that from my own experience with with age differences that um the dynamic can be different depending. >> Now, this is the first time that I have a younger mate. Before I had my first one was 13 years older and no the second one was the the crazy one was the same age and then Mark was also 11 or 12 years older than me and now I have 9 year younger and I mean there’s a different energy you know I was already

00:40:43
going towards older age and slowing down and now slowing down no >> Heidi did you say What what Marcus’s astrological sign is? >> He’s also Libra. >> He’s also Okay. Okay. >> What are the characteristics of Libra? I don’t I don’t know astrology. >> Trying to find harmony. >> Balance. >> Yeah. Balance. >> What What month is that? >> September, October. >> Oh, okay. >> But when in terms of dream keys, he has we have very few together. Uh this is uh

00:41:23
also interesting. He’s not really into these things. I sometimes tell him about that. He has studied it a little time ago, but he’s and not like me who a year ago I really entered into the gene key study which for me was crucial. So that’s also why I think I can understand his way of being better because I have seen into into into these things and he sometimes astonished about my explain it. Yeah. and the laughter. We have that often that uh you know it’s resolving the the intense moments

00:42:10
maybe they stay an hour often not lately I think Saturday there was a moment he just went a little bit away and then after 20 minutes he came back and said oh I’m sorry and then was good you know so for me it’s an ideal way of I’m sorry that I needed to go away he said and then we we sort of relativized what what was before. So new experience in many ways exciting but not easy I would say also because uh for 20 years he he was alone living alone and so you you get the habit to have to do to do

00:42:52
everything yourself no and then getting used to being together I realize I think it’s it’s difficult >> so he was married before >> long time ago. Yeah. >> And does he have children? >> Yeah, they are in their 30s. >> Do you get along with them? Well, >> yes, very almost every day they are calling or >> how many children does he have? >> Three. >> Oh, sorry, I missed that. >> And one has a health challenge at the moment. So they was in the hospital and

00:43:33
so everybody was talking I mean giving news giving you know so it was every day the connection at the moment I think it’s better and better rarer how do you say not so often but it’s very connected they are in coming to the family topic you know there is a huge connection between him and the the children the the the boy a little less but the daughters Uh it’s very very connected and their grandkids, two grandkids. So >> does does he have parents who are still alive? >> No, the mother died a year ago, more bit

00:44:15
more than a year ago, and the father died many years ago. His stepfather is still alive, but um doesn’t seem to be the same relationship than with I don’t know. It’s um haven’t figured that out and it was not in my interest to do an interrogation. Yeah. with my own family. My I I see my brothers and sister, my sister every now and then and we have some contact via these social media things and always for birthday, happy birthday, da da da, but um it’s not a close connection.

00:45:04
So, but also not a enemy connection, you know, nothing like this. It’s just we are brothers and sisters and that’s it. We have five minutes or little bit more. What is there still to say about family and connection or not connection whatever? >> I mean you could go on with a lot of things. Um, just >> I I think back now, I mean, we all reflect back on our lives and the choices we made, but I moved I grew up in New Jersey and I moved to California right after college. Like, I was like,

00:46:16
boom, see you. And um you know I really disrupted my connection with my my siblings, my parents, my nieces, my nephews. Of course at age 22 I wasn’t really particularly thinking in those terms. But once I was in California, I never left. And um you know it it became obvious over the years. you know, the holidays I missed, you know, watching my nieces and nephews close up, you know, growing up. Of course, I still saw my family and I still made trips to see everybody and they sometimes came out

00:46:56
here, but, you know, it’s it’s it’s one of those things I think about. Do I regret that I moved so far away from my family? And it’s not do I regret moving to California. It’s not really that. It’s do I regret having lessened those ties? You know, I loosened them quite a bit. Um, and I’m pleased that none of us became estranged and I probably am as close to my brother or sister as most siblings. I mean, it’s not like a it’s not like we talk to each other all the time, but we certainly uh

00:47:36
know about each other’s lives. But still, you know, it’s it’s, you know, it’s something I reflect back upon often. Um, and have some regrets about that. I don’t know if I would do it any differently, but now I I certainly can see what I missed by making that choice, you know, in terms of family. So, interesting. Yeah, >> I’d say something similar, Christine, because uh our countries are big >> and when we make these choices, uh like I ran off and joined the Navy. I mean,

00:48:14
we have mountains in our way. >> Um but yeah, the distance really it it was really hard to overcome that either because of time or money getting to family. And so like I’m not seeing my uh brother’s uh grandchildren yet. Um so I have to make my way to Toronto if I want to do that. But yeah, I think distance is a really interesting challenge. But would you change it? I don’t know. But it does it is a challenge. So I’ll sign off on that. Still good. But distance. >> Actually my daughter is living in

00:48:49
Hamburg which is four and a half five hours away. Um she and her mother-in-law lives um near uh H Highleberg. So she was or they are thinking of moving down to H Highleberg uh which is one and a half few hours from here and 50 minutes from the mother-in-law. So she has an urge to to stay in contact and also to support us and um also that their children will have a close contact to us. So she’s she’s the one who has the most that’s the youngest one the most u like urge to to be closer

00:49:51
in distance. Yeah. So I like that a lot because when everybody you know one to Austria and the other one Yeah. So and after after high school they one went to Costa Rica and the other one to Johannesburg in South Africa. So that was a disruption >> but um but the contact is still there and and they they want their children to have contact with us. So they are really like supporting it. That’s not everybody does that. >> Yeah, >> I have also had the the problem let’s say with this and the family gatherings

00:50:46
were always in Germany. They said come to my house. I mean no it’s >> too far away. Too far away. >> Takes too long to arrive. You know you cannot just come for a weekend but need more time. So in all these years they never came the whole family maybe my one of my youngest brother I see him relatively often because he goes in holiday nearby about an hour distance but the others no I mean I need to go to Germany when there’s a family meeting this this year for the first time I think it will not

00:51:26
happen for it happened for many many many years and my my brother’s wife, she was always really great and in in coordinating it and so on. And she said she also once wants not do it and then the other couldn’t at this time and so this year no family meeting. >> Are they coming to your wedding? >> I don’t think so. I have no uh confirmation and no um >> Yeah. >> No yet. Yeah. >> Yeah. So, I’m still thinking of >> what that could mean. >> Yeah.

00:52:10
>> It’s a long ride. >> It’s a long ride, but you you just do some connected with holidays, you know. That’s the thing. >> Yeah. Yeah. And from California, I think it’s about 12 hours direct flight or 13 hours direct flight. >> From Frankfurt to Rome or where do you fly? >> Two hours from from Frankfurt? Not really. Is it is two hours and a little bit to London. So Frankfurt probably it’s a little less. >> We’ll see. Um um >> we will see this is I don’t know that is

00:52:57
another thing I would like to talk about about the perception of time I have in this period I have the idea that the days are over and and the at the end of the day you think what did I do evening again you know something like this as if this is fleeing as if it was I don’t know condensed the time in some way I I don’t know that would be I would like the topic also >> of time I have I have another call now so goodbye everybody see you soon I hope um I hope Mona’s okay I miss Mona

00:53:35
>> yeah I don’t know I suppose she okay >> okay all right bye bye >> I have to leave also and um in is it yes in two weeks I’ll be at the um I’ll be in Denver, Colorado at wrapping up the conference. Um and again, it’s we are icon.org if anybody’s interested in attending and we leave a week from tomorrow >> to head out there and and get everything set up. So yeah, >> we say toy toy toy. >> And what does that mean? >> Uh good luck. Something like that.

00:54:18
>> All right. >> And say hello to Tom. Okay. So, I will see you not next time but time after. >> Good. See you. Bye. Bye. Bye.