Here is a survey about YOUR future when you get older: How do you see the second half of life?
Please go to https://de.surveymonkey.com/r/8NZQ3XV
OUR FIRST COMMUNITY LIVE CONVERSATION – about AGEING
Hear our presentation at the INTEGRAL EUROPEAN CONFERENCE in Hungary,
May 6th, 2016
We were pleased and grateful to witness a lively interest in the topic.
You are invited to join the discussion by filling in the survey above and by joining our Facebook Group http://bit.ly/integralageing
Hear our pre-conference talk about what we will be talking about on May 6th, 2016 in Siofok/Hungary.
Elizabeth Schmidt-Pabst: Leben und Sterben aus der kulturellen Perspektive
Leben, Sterben und Kultur
HEIDI´S INTRO
Wir leben in einer Kultur, in der der Tod negiert wird. Leben ist alles, Tod ist wie ein bedauernswerter Betriebsunfall. Wenn ein lieber Mensch stirbt, erwarten die Verwandten und Freude, dass man das einfach wegsteckt. Ein paar Tage Trauer, dann zurück zu normal und komm uns nicht mit deinem Leid, wir wollen nicht daran erinnert werden.
So wie Hinterbliebene selten offene Ohren finden, so geschieht es meist auch mit den Menschen, deren Zeit gekommen ist. Oft werden sie aus ihrem Umfeld herausgerissen, entsorgt in Krankenhäuser oder Pflegeheime, und wenn sie Glück haben, kommen sie in ein Hospiz, wo sie wahrscheinlich die beste, weil fachgerechte Begleitung finden. Hier können sie Fragen stellen und sich einstimmen auf das, was auf sie zukommt. Hier müssen sie sich nicht mehr in lautloses Erleiden und Schweigen hüllen.
Deutschland ist vorbildhaft, was das Angebot und die Unterbringung von Menschen am Lebensende betrifft. Die meisten Länder der Welt kennen das wenig (Siehe unser Gespräch mit einem Vorreiter für Hospize in Brasilien hier). Man verläßt sich auf die Hilfe der Familie, die heutzutage damit meist überfordert ist, oder man bringt die Menschen ins Krankenhaus, in der Erwartung, dass sie dort mit Hilfe allen technischen Aufwands doch noch am Leben gehalten werden. Wer erst einmal im Krankenhaus ist, hat wenig Chance auf einen ruhigen Übergang in die andere Dimension, angehängt an Schläuchen und piepsenden Geräten.
Was ist denn der Wunsch des Sterbenden? Wer hat ihn oder sie vorher gefragt, wie sie sich das Ende vorstellen, wie sie gern behandelt werden möchten? Jetzt gibt es das “biologische Testament” hier in Italien, wo ich lebe, wo man das durch multiple choice Fragen einigermaßen bestimmen kann. Das Papier wird in der Stadtverwaltung bewahrt, aber wird es wirklich zu Rate gezogen, wenn es soweit ist? Wer weiß!
In Nordeuropa sind wir gewohnt, dass in Krankenhäusern und Hospizen Ruhe herrschen soll. Wir assoziieren Sterben mit nicht gestört werden wollen. Was aber, wenn ein Mensch mit Migrationshintergrund in den letzten Tagen ins Krankenhaus kommt und von den Ärzten erwartet, dass sie Wunder vollbringen und den Angehörigen retten sollen? Südliche Kulturen in Europa, Mittlerer Osten, Afrika und mehr: sie alle sind gewohnt, große Familien um sich zu haben und viel Lärm. Italienische Großstadtbewohner lieben es, in der Hauptreisezeit Urlaub zu machen an Orten, wo sich die Menschen am Strand und in den Ferienanlagen drängen und die Disco lautstark bis zum frühen Morgen dröhnt. Alles andere als leise! Und die Familienangehörigen werden ebenso lautstark sich äuérn, wenn sie Angehörige im Hospiz besuchen – wenn sie überhaupt herausgefunden haben, dass es so etwas gibt und dass sie es in Anspruch nehmen können.
Der Hospizdienst in einer deutschen Großstadt wie Berlin ist also keineswegs eintönig. Menschen, die sich berufen fühlen, andere auf deren letzten Weg zu begleiten, bereiten sich auf diese Aufgabe vor. Individuelle Unterschiede im Umgang mit dem Menschen sind Teil der Fähigkeiten, die sie lernen müssen. Es ist keineswegs selbstverständlich, dass man “einfach so” weiß, wie mit Sterbenden umzugehen ist zu deren und zum eigenen Nutzen.
In meinem Gespräch mit Elisabeth Schmidt-Pabst sprechen wir über das Thema Sterben, Sterbende und Angehörige, Hospiz und ärztliche Behandlungen, aber auch über freiwilliges aus dem leben Scheiden und Organspende. Alles Themen, die in der Tabu-zone feststecken. Einmal im Jahr, im November, denkt man offiziell an Tod und Sterben, wenigstens im Christlichen Einflussbereich. Vielleicht wäre diese Zeit eine Möglichkeit für die ansonsten eher Zurückschreckenden, sich dem Thema zu öffnen. Dieses Gespräch könnte ein Weg dazu sein. Dauerhaft werden wir Tod und Sterben nicht ausschließen können aus unserem Gewahrsein, dass ist nun mal gewiss.
Über Elizabeth Schmidt-Pabst
Frühere Gespräche auf Deutsch um Leben und Sterben
David Lorimer
Retirement, Life Purpose and the Fear of Death
with David Lorimer
HEIDI´S INTRO
I get a lot of newsletters from people or organisations which had attracted me for some reason in the past. Having only 24 hours a day to fill with interesting stuff, I usually scroll through the flood of invitations – until a topic or a speaker attracts my attention and I inquire further.
One of these occasions was the panel discussion about death, featuring Marilyn Schlitz and others, which was led by David Lorimer. Planning my mini-series about death for November I contacted the organisation and was referred to David who graciously sent me the preprint of his newest book where a whole chapter is dedicated to death. And he sent me invitations to other events about completely different topics, one of which I refer tto in our recorded conversation about death and dying: the movie about fungi and the conversation with Merlin Sheldrake about his research on fungi – where among others, the huge benefit of “magic mushrooms” for treating stress, depression and the fear of death were discussed. A really fascinating topic!
I invited David to a conversation about death, the fear of death, the cultural attitude about death and dying and how much our avoidance of talking about this topic influences our lives, especially in the present time where “the Virus” is dominating our personal and social life to an unbelievable degree.
Read my introductory article to the topic HERE
ABOUT DAVID LORIMER
David Lorimer, MA, PGCE, FRSA is a writer, lecturer, poet and editor who is a Founder of Character Education Scotland, Programme Director of the Scientific and Medical Network (www.scimednet.org) and former President of Wrekin Trust and the Swedenborg Society (www.swedenborgsociety.org.uk). He has also been editor of Paradigm Explorer since 1986 and completed his 100th issue in 2019. He was the instigator of the Beyond the Brain conference series in 1995 (www.beyondthebrain.org) and has co-ordinated the Mystics and Scientists conferences every year since the late 1980s.
IEC-Ageing
Conscious Ageing at the Integral European Conference
HEIDI´S INTRO
Four years ago, after Mark’s talk at the Integral European conference 2016, we have created together the series “Conscious Ageing” at the Wisdom Factory.We have hosted around 60 guests who shared their perspective on Ageing and how to do it consciously.
Ageing and dying is still such a taboo topic, the more I was pleased to see quite a lot of people early in the morning to attend my Conscious Ageing Contribution at the conference which had to be online this year because of Corona.
When I talked about the history of the series and then showed the picture of Mark’s grave stone with the spiral engraved in white marble, the tears came up again. It is 2 years ago that he had to leave his body, but the grief is still there. I believed it had passed now, but the connection had continued and obviously also the grief that it is no more in a tangible way.
Jane Rogers acknowledged the grief. She has developed the “before I go” solutions after her husband died and she realised how important it is to leave directions for those who have to deal with our funeral and the stuff we leave behind. Despite the serious topic she managed to talk about it lightly and with humour and was well received by the audience.
Bettina Wichers gave a short overview on how Dementia can be seen through the integral lens. Today it is mainly seen as an illness which needs fixing – or remains unfixable. But there are many more dimensions to it, especially how to handle people in the different stages of theor spiraling down to beige, in ways that it is best for them and for the people around.
Ann Roberts talks about “Adulthood II”, the new emerging stage in peoples’ lives between retirement and old age, when they are full of energy and willing and able to create something new in their lives, often less oriented to achieve something, but more understood as a service to a cause or other people.
Monia cancelled her participation. She was invited to an 80-year birthday party lunch of a friend who she fears to not have around any more for long. Being almost 80 herself she felt she couldn’t do bothe, one after the other, and she decided to care for herself by freducing the stress which would have come up doing everything in the same morning. – A practice of conscious ageing!
Several people in the audience spoke up, talked about their own attitude towards their ageing or the processes they went through when being with a parent until death. A very intimate atmosphere arose in these 90 minutes we were together online on video.
This event was an encouragement for me to continue the work which was so dear to Mark’s heart: Conscious Ageing, Conscious Dying. He himself certainly was an example of both.
Heidi Hörnlein
Born in Germany, MA in Berlin, in Italy for 30 years, Voice teacher and
therapist. Licensed Counselor and Coach and Host of audio and video
podcasts since 2013.
University studies in Mathematics, Physics, MA in Linguistics. Parallel
studies in singing. Employment in a professional choir RIAS Berlin. 5
years of study of voice and music in Rome. Self-study and meeting Integral
theory led to developing “Integral voice training”. License in Gestalt
Counseling and different Coaching approaches. Live broadcasts and
video recordings with Mark Davenport in The Wisdom Factory on
Conscious Ageing and other topics.
Ann Roberts
Ann’s exploration of Conscious Ageing began in 2015 when after a 35 years career in organisational, team, and personal development, she retired from Police Scotland as a Leadership Development Consultant. She is now exploring Conscious Agers via an initiative called Active Wisdom: An Inquiry into our Elderhood. Ann is particularly interested in adult development opportunities within the life cycle stage of Elderhood that arises from the possibility of more freedom, more time, and more potential for exploration. In 1996 Ann first encountered an indigenous Mayan body of Teachings that, over the years, she has woven its tools and protocols with her love of Integral Theory. Ann lives in a village just south of Edinburgh in Scotland.
Jane Duncan Rogers
Jane Duncan Rogers is an award-winning Life and Death coach who
helps people prepare well for the best ending of life possible.
Having been in the field of psychotherapy and personal growth for more
than 25 years, she is also the author of Gifted By Grief: A True Story of
Cancer, Loss and Rebirth, and Before I Go: Practical Questions to Ask
and Answer Before You Die. She founded Before I Go Solutions in 2016.
Read her full biography on her other website: www.giftedbygrief.com
Monia Frühwirth
Born in Vienna, November 1941. Trained as a translator at the University of Vienna. Married since 1965, two daughters,
three grandchildren. Lived in New York City for 9 years, studied, and practiced Kundalini Yoga and comparative religions
after experiencing cosmic consciousness in 1973. Further training in Buddhism for the West, Gestalt therapy according to
Rebillot, shadow work. Since 2001 actively involved in the German-speaking integral scene, chief editor of the integrale
Perspektiven, the founder of the Integrale Frauenfeld, organizing integral activities in Vienna.
Bettina Wichers
Bettina has a scientific degree in gerontology (M.Sc.) and adult education (Dipl.) and works as an integral coach for consciousness development and as a freelance consultant in the field of health, ageing and dementia.
She refers in her work to the Integral Methodological Pluralism (Ken Wilber) as metatheoretical framework and to Spiral Dynamics, the Stages model of Terri O’Fallon, the developmental research of Susanne Cook-Greuter, Roman Angerer and John Kesler. For many years, based on an intensive phenomenological practice, she has been doing research on the causes of what is described as regression in dementia and has been looking for the involutionary impulse for it. With Terri O’Fallon, she is currently working on a study of how dementia is constructed and experienced at the different stages of Terri’s Stages model. Together with Roman Angerer, she is developing different experimental formats in the German-speaking integral community to open the transition from the autonomous-integral stage to the stage of construct awareness.
In May 2018 she presented her work at the Integral European Conference in Hungary. She is leading an Integral Salon in Göttingen, Germany, and is a member of the HeilOrt community, an integral health project in Bad Belzig, Germany.
Conscious Ageing for Iec
What is Conscious Ageing? – The series in The Wisdom Factory
HEIDI´S INTRO
Conscious Ageing: getting older as a chance for wisdom
In the past we thought that with 60 we are old and from now on we were sort of waiting for death. People could go in retirement at that age and retirement often meant losing purpose in life which was connected with the previous occupation.
Here in Italy where I live, there was a time when people could go into “mini retirement” with 40, getting a monthly pension and feeling free to try out something new in their lives. Now the state has decided that “being old” actually starts with 67 and so the restart into something new certainly is not as easy as with 40. But nonetheless it is possible – if we are open minded enough and value older age as a source of rich experience and wisdom which influences our choices instead of believing to be doomed to die, anyway, some time soon.
What was called “old age” before , is now called “adulthood two” with the words of Ann Roberts, guest in the panel for the Integral European Conference. Certainly, there are challenges, the probabilities increase with age that some functions of our bodies decrease, but other might increase if we train ourselves in living our lives in a conscious way.
We need to start with “ageing” itself as a concept and fact in human life. We push it away, we hope to be able to avoid it by neither talking about it, nor preparing for it in a balanced way. We pretend to be younger than we are by creating a youthful persona or even do plastic surgery in order to hide the changes which our body is undergoing.
Age and ageing is a taboo, even more so illness and death, and strangely enough even the things we normally consider “good”, like love and sex in older years. Young people often feel awkward when they are confronted with the sex life of their parents. What is so strange about ir? Is sex still seen as only “allowed” for reproductive reasons? Why should young people naturally enjoy sex and older people should be somehow “on the other side”?
These are topics which the women of the Conscious ageing panel are addressing for the conference. They want to inspire other people who enter into the second adulthood, to value the years to come, to explore the possibilities and to see the emerging realities from a welcoming and resourceful perspective.
In this post I publish our “rehearsal” for our contribution for the conference which will take place on Saturday, May 30th 2020. Whether or not we will touch the same topics in the same way as here is up to the moment. We also want to give a possibility to the audience to actively participate in the conversation.
If you are interested in joining us or any of the many other presentations on a huge variety of topics, you can register for the conference at https://integraleuropeanconference.com/online-2020/
Previous conversations with the guests
Ann Roberts:
Active Wisdom: an inquiry into elderhood https://thewisdomfactory.net/ann-roberts-2/ September 2019
Conscious Ageing panel https://thewisdomfactory.net/conscious-ageing-panel/ September 2019
What grandparents can give us and our children https://thewisdomfactory.net/ann-roberts/ February 2017
Co-creative conversations: an example. https://thewisdomfactory.net/co-creative-conversations-an-example/ May 2020
WEBSITE: http://bit.ly/ActiveWisdomProgram
Jane Duncan Rogers
Ageing: the secret behind the greatest opportunity you’ve ever had https://thewisdomfactory.net/jane-duncan-rogers/ March 2018
My partner died. I was present. And now? https://thewisdomfactory.net/my-partner-died/ November 2018
A conversation with Heidi : when you face the end https://thewisdomfactory.net/panel-ageing-5/ March 2019
Co-creative conversations: an example. https://thewisdomfactory.net/co-creative-conversations-an-example/ May 2020
WEBSITES: http://beforeigosolutions.com/ www.giftedbygrief.com
Bettina Wichers
Dementia integral (english), Demenz aus der integralen Perspektive (german) Co-creative conversations: an example. https://thewisdomfactory.net/bettina-wichers/ January/April 2029
Co-creative conversations: an example. https://thewisdomfactory.net/co-creative-conversations-an-example/ May 2020
Monia Frühwirth
Monia has co-hosted many conversations with Heidi. You find them when inserting her name in the search function at www.TheWisdomFactory.net Below a few of them.
ABOUT page: https://thewisdomfactory.net/monia-fruhwirth/
Regular guest
- in the German speaking Women’s groups Die Frauen am virtuellen Brunnen https://thewisdomfactory.net/die-gesprache-am-brunnen/
- And in english speaking womens’ group WOMEN MATTERS https://thewisdomfactory.net/women-matters/
- On ageing: Integral life practice in any age https://youtu.be/eZeCoyQUkOc December 2016
- Drugs and consciousness (with Mark Davenport) https://youtu.be/eZeCoyQUkOc June 2017
- Co-creative conversations: an example. https://thewisdomfactory.net/co-creative-conversations-an-example/ May 2020
- Ko-kreative Gespräche https://thewisdomfactory.net/ko-kreative-gesprache/ April 2020
- Was kommt nach dem Feminismus? https://thewisdomfactory.net/was-kommt-nach-dem-feminismus/
Co-creative conversations: an example
CONVERSATIONS THAT MATTER – CONSCIOUS AGEING
Preparing for the conference: an example for a co-creative conversation
Five women came together to prepare for a shared contribution for the upcoming Integral European Conference. During the conversation they realised that they had been engaging in a co-creative way and the idea arose to publish it as an example. Thus the topic – Conscious Ageing and also death through Corona – is not the important thing why you might watch it, but the way the women self-organised in arriving at the desired result.
Some thoughts on a “co-creative dialogue”
We have talked about co-creativity in the past and identified some of the characteristics which stand out as opposed to debates and discussions. Co-creative conversations leave the participants with a feeling of joy, satisfaction, empowerment and inspiration – while the outcome of discussions and debates often is the direct opposite. There everyone fights for being recognized, for being right, for having won the argument battle.
A co-creative conversation is the direct opposite. Everyone is recognised by the others as having an important piece to contribute to the topic and in the flow of the conversations these puzzle pieces arise and get woven together into the desired result of the conversation. Listening to each other, respecting each other and being open to what wants to emerge is the main tool kit for these conversations. No criticism, but questions. Questions lead further and further into the process of coming to the root of the topic and to the envisioned goal.
During the conversation things might seem to go astray, tangents are introduced, especially those who take into consideration the interiority of the participants, e.g. “How is it for you when….”, or “what is your experience with …”.
The “normal” way of a meeting has a specific topic and the way of proceeding often articulates itself like: “What can you, xwz, bring to the table?, Is the contribution of x better than that of y? We need to decide on a concrete plan: who does what when” etc. The meeting might be short, everything is “clear”, everyone knows what they need to do. But how is their mood now? Did x feel overrun by the decision that the idea of z had been preferred to his own? Does he understand why? Does he feel motivated to collaborate under these circumstances where he feels to be the loser? Does he have a suggestion or a preoccupation which he doesn’t dare to mention for fear to be turned down, again and so it remains unspoken and haunts his dreams for not having stepped up despite his insights of importance?
This “normal” way is what I call the “masculine way”. Straight forward, linear, restricted to a few threads, leaving out all the others, in a setting of hierarchy or at least of competition. The “feminine way” is different and surely more satisfactory, because it includes the whole humans and not only a few of their competences. From the perspective of the masculine way, the feminine way is deviating from the topic, time is spent uselessly on “unimportant things” and so on.
We women have been trying to adjust to the masculine expectation of how things need to be done – only to find out that it doesn’t really work for us, unless we want to become stressed out and finally more masculine than men. So it is not by chance that women love to engage in co-creative conversations which are “feminine” in many aspects. That is not to say that men are not able to engage in co-creative dialogues. Those who are able to step back from the all pervasive linearity and adopt listening skills certainly can. Nevertheless, in my experience, it is very hard for men to resist their tendency to take over, to assume leadership and try to direct the otherwise open ended emergence.
More often than not we find this sort of conversation in women-only groups. But just a bunch of women does not guarantee it at all. They need to express their willingness of exploring the ground together and to listen to each other. For women this seems to be, generally speaking, somewhat easier than for men.
In this post I offer you a concrete example of a co-creative dialogue among women. Listen to it, not so much for the topic, (although you might also be interested in it,) but for the movement of the process. How do we conduct the conversation? How much “leadership” do I, Heidi, use? (I invited the women into the session). How do topics emerge and weave around the purpose of our conversation? How do the women step in to speak? How do they connect to the other women? How do we gain clarity and how do we arrive at the goal of the meeting?
The conversation was not meant to be published, it was our first meeting to agree on a common event for the online Integral European Conference. During the conversation I realised that we were beautifully engaging in a co-creative dialogue which was worth to be published as an example. Please notice also the way we made the agreement for publishing.
Enjoy!
Videopost for April 1st, 2020
RESOURCES
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Cee
CONVERSATIONS THAT MATTER – CONSCIOUS LIVING CONSCIOUS DYING
Corona and the fear of death – with Cee
Heidi writes
Corona and the fear of death: Why spiritual practice is important.
We are going through the Corona crisis right now. The measurements taken by our governments probably make sense, everyone in the world is impacted in one way or another. For some people it might be the loss of their work, lack of income and food insecurity. Others lose family members and friends to the illness, and most of us are living in various levels of fear which is maintained constantly by the media, by the numbers of infected people and deaths. We are afraid of losing loved ones – and of getting infected ourselves. That could mean that we, ourselves, have to face death, not some time later, but right now, as a real possibility.
We live in a world which has excluded death from our lives. Modern medicine pretends to be able to treat every illness with ever more sophisticated machinery and drugs. Death equals failure, so it should not happen. And if it does, better don’t engage with it too much, take the body away as soon as possible, forget about it.
This, certainly, is not the best way for dying, neither for the person in their dying process, nor for those around them. In that very vulnerable moment we would need support, not by machines, but by compassionate human beings who listen to our life story, who reassure us that our life was worth living, that our existence and our struggles were acknowledged. We want to feel safe, embraced by somebody we love, when we have to face this important transition. We want to feel calm when the unavoidable arrives. And we want to bless those around us, thank them for their assistance and hope that they will have a compassionate person around when their hour has come.
The fear of death leads many people to hide and ignore it as much as possible, and so they deprive the dying person from that support which is so crucial in these moments. This is a real shame. All the people I know, who have witnessed and assisted a dying person, have lived it as a gift, a blessing, a difficult but deeply rewarding experience which quite often lowers the fear of their own death. An experience to seek out instead of trying to avoid it!
Now tens and hundreds of people are dying of Corona. We would have enough possibility to face death in a constructive, humane way. Instead their lungs are forced to take in oxygen – an immense suffering for the human involved. They might survive, about 30% do, but is the suffering worth the extra days or weeks of living on this earth in absolutely unpleasant circumstances? Does pure survival of the body outweigh the quality of life?
These are difficult questions. Every human being needs to ask them. And also: how do I want to die? Do I want to die in suffering and fear? Or do I want to be confident and calm when the moment comes? What can I do to prepare myself?
The modern materialistic worldview, where our health systems are located, doesn’t have any answer to that. God is dead and spirituality laughed upon as superstition. Any other worldview, pre- or post rational, has a way to include the transcendent into human life and to help people to face death as a transition, as the most important event in the life for us humans. The key is spiritual practice of one sort or other.
There are many spiritual paths, traditions which reach back thousands of years or newly “invented” practices which can lead to the same goals. Humans have different affinities and tastes, and the same is valid for spiritual paths: what is good for me might not be good for you! We need to try to walk them in order to understand which one, finally, to stick with.
My guest, Cee, did exactly that. She started with a guru who admonished his students to concentrate on him and so enlightenment would arrive, somehow – which didn’t work for her. When she met Advaita Vedanta, she found the appropriate path, she found her life purpose and her personal development by practicing it and harvesting its benefits. It was a delight to talk with her about the meaning of life and death and how we can inspire others to face these important topics instead of succumbing to fear and desperation.
Videopost for Mai 13th, 2020
About Cee
The focus of Cee’s life has been spirituality and art. Interested in the meaning of life at an early age, she spent decades exploring wisdom teachings and practicing meditation. She has taught Advaita Vedanta, cared for dying people through hospice, and written two books about Consciousness. Cee has created hundreds of paintings and sculptures exploring spirituality and shows her art widely. She received a BFA from the San Francisco Art Institute, an MFA from Mills College and won the Jay Defeo award.
Where to find Cee
Where to find Cee’ books
Cee on social media:
instagram @ceemakesart
email ceeinhana@gmail.com
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